Roses are blooming; their prices more so. Ah, St. Valentine’s Day is upon us again! Such beautiful capitalism! Where is the love, indeed.

Signs are everywhere:

• A listener on radio today suggests giving boyfriends chocolates as “what would my darling do with a dozen pink roses?” Still, she recommends adding a single stalk to the bouquet of calorific chocs, for the occasion, you see.

• My home gym has posters up, announcing special classes of line dance funk where one can bring one’s partner or just come alone! (Yes, what fun, a singular single person in a sea of smooching couples.) Dress in red or pink! And of course, I was telling Nisa last Saturday at Borders how I wouldn’t wear a pink shirt if you paid me, and she proceeded to point out that (1) plenty of other guys are wearing pink; (2) I’d look good in pink; (3) I know I really want to; and perhaps worse of all, (4) let’s go for this line dance funk thing and wear pink together! (Last I heard, she’s printing up a couple of pink tees with I-don’t-really-wanna-know-what printed on them. Shudder.)

• Everyone keeps asking me if I have a date for February 14th. Ga.

But one perseveres.

One does not have to be grumpy and grouchy just because one is single, available, and as the years pass, increasingly unappealing. Nay, as wine ages fine, so shall we! Let’s meet our beloved friends who have coupled up (and in some instances, multiplied) with as much grace as we can summon. Truly, the unloved (or worse, non-dating) are our modern martyrs.

No date? No worries. Malaysians are friendly and kind. We are generous and sociable creatures, are we not? Come V-Day, let’s all us singles go out, not together (is there anything more sympathy-inducing than a bunch of friends group-dating?) but singly we go, penetrate the harbours and sanctuaries of true love; let us visit ourselves upon the loving pairs sitted at candle-lit tables in fancy restaurants. Grab yourselves a chair, and join them, why don’t you? After all, what aphrodisiac can be more tantalising than the promise of a possible threesome?

Of course, do not come empty-handed. Personally, I recommend a gift of leather, but if it must be a single stalk of rose, do leave the thorns on, dear.