So, here I was, bumbling around my mailbox which, like the Cup o’ Life, is always full and never emptieth, trying to read and answer as many emails as I can before the next deluge is upon me. I got good reason to be concerned. Work is picking up, I’ve packed nothing thus far for my move to my new apartment other than my beloved books (priorities, priorities!), there’s always a thousand and one things to do, when I come across an email from BodyBalance pals signalling their recent clearance to become full-fledged instructors.
It made me really happy for them, but somehow, somewhere along the way in sending my congratulations to them, this came out instead:
~ * ~
Dear Babes and Hunks!
Firstly, congratulations to Ezura and Derek and Cheryl for getting cleared. I’ve told you guys before and I’ll say it again, I’m so proud of you!! 
You guys are amazing and so inspiring. I guess I have been very behind in my BodyBalance practice and some of you keep asking me why I haven’t even shadowed yet. It has nothing to do with our trainer by the way; she’s basically waiting for me to ask her, but it’s more about me not being ready, I may just not have as much desire to get cleared compared to facing the challenge of the training.
As you may remember from the training’s 1st morning when we shared, I said I’m doing this mostly to prove I can do it, to face the challenge. Now shadowing / team-teaching / clearance is an even bigger challenge, so I ask myself “Why am I not putting more effort/time into it?”
Work is one real reason. I’m a couple of months into my new job with much to learn and initially I was quite wobbly. But I’m getting much better at it, and as a recruitment consultant, it’s an asset to connect well with people, so I’m really enjoying this part of it. So, no, not the major reason.
Partly I’m afraid of failure, I suppose, and a lack of confidence in my abilities, esp. my lack of flexibility. I’m still surprised I passed the training, to be honest! (Though I will remember for the rest of my life what Kylie said at the end when she told me she’s not seen many people with my willpower and determination to succeed; it took me aback cos I always think I’m a slacker and that was such an amazing observation, I nearly cried. You guys know what I mean.)
Maybe it’s because it’s not a priority in my life anymore. I still love it, and so many people around me see me as the BodyBalance guy despite my lack of any inherent talent… I guess it’s the passion that seeps into me when I talk about it. And I guess while I doubt I want to instruct, I do want to face and conquer this final hurdle.
So, I will put this on my agenda, my must-do-list. Just not now. It’s not a priority, now that I can be honest about it and not feel guilty over it.
Truth is, there’s been many changes in my life these past few months. Meeting so many new people, including you lovelycrazysuper bunch. My readers at my blog break my heart sometimes with the amazing comments they leave me.
My first public reading of my sad/emo/sexual/tender stories (which doesn’t feel like me anymore, funnily enough — I feel so sunny most days now) and the appreciative looks on their faces just makes my day. (I’m doing a mini-Reading of my own this Sat evening too. I’m such a sucker for punishment.) Writing doesn’t feel as urgent or as important to me anymore, not as much as living my life in real-time does. It’s a very nice bonus, though.
Dining out with the food bloggers/floggers/foodies and realising that people who love food are the best sort of people in the world. And discovering that I can finally love food again without worrying about calories or putting on weight. Usually I see the Fat Kenny circa 1991. Getting snapped at enough times to see that being overweight was me years ago. Past tense. If anything I’m far too skinny now. Not cuddly at all. 
Going from attending a literary event to having a bestselling author ask me on the spot to design her book cover. Fast forward a couple months later, and we’re working on a new book together. And what was a hobby is now… still a hobby, but at least I know whatever amateur design work I do has some use to those around me. The delight on the faces of my writer/poet/blogger friends when I design something for them is priceless.
The decision to move into my own studio apartment for privacy and a sense of peace. A bit expensive since I’m still renting but a great decision! A place to call my own. (And the stuff I can get up to in my bedroom that none of you will ever know, haha!)
All these things I’ve never allowed myself to indulge in before, I now do, and life is so much better for it. My life. The lives of people around me. I don’t stress them as much as I used to before. I’ve come to the point where I can even say I like myself. And that feels great.
And all these things I have asked for at the beginning of this year, in one form or another, and they have all been fulfilled. I told my friend Ellyne very early on in 2007 that it would be my “Year of Being Happy”. She said it was a very powerful declaration. And it is. I finally understand that if we open up ourselves to happiness it will come to us.
And some of you are Christians, some Muslims, some Buddhists, others agama lain or none at all. I’m the most secular person I know cos while I appreciate all faiths and love people from different backgrounds, I haven’t ever really labelled myself as anything in particular. And I don’t think I’ll begin now. But I must say that I have prayed to God, to someone up there who looks down on me, on us, who wants the best for us, and despite my prayers being more of rants and pleas than regular devotion, they have been answered.
There is so much light in my life now I feel like I can burst. I have love in my life; I guess I always had, but never knew how to see it before. I love you guys so much, and all of you mean the world to me.
Okay…cukup emo lah for a Friday morning. And I started this email just to send a quick note of congratulations some more. Where lah I pusing deh? Have a fantastic weekend, my dears, my sweethearts, the song that bursts like clouds of sunshower. Tschüss!
{ Kenny }
~ * ~
And I mean every word of it.
Only a few things to add:
- My beloved bloggers, I miss reading your blogs and leaving my snarky/silly comments so much but right now I have to settle for updating irregularly and replying to whatever comments that pop up, and not always in a timely manner either. Only now do I realise I used to read over 100 blogs a day! I’ll return to that beautiful madness the first weekend I’m free and devour your archives to catch up on all I’ve missed.
- A special thanks to Lyrical Lemongrass for taking over my promise to take Msiagirl around town now that she’s flown in from the UK. I love how we are blending and breaking down the barriers here. Soon it won’t matter if you’re a food blogger or a litblogger or whatever, we are all one, a fine community, if I may say so. Much love here.
- My posse and bestest friends — Nisa, Jason and Henny — for being there all this time through good and bad. If there was a way, I’d marry all three of you! Except, er, no. Eww. LOL.
- And YOU. You bring all the joy and light into my life. You are everything I hoped for. You are everything I need. You are so beautiful. And I love you.
63 Comments
Yo man, welcome back to the blogsphere! We all miss ya’
Hey Jason,
I miss you guys too!
I guess I am back, aren’t I? Just not as often as I like to, but right now I’ll settle for what I get. One blog entry at a time till I’m back to FULL SPEED. Hahahaha…
this is such a poignant post, you are such a snag (sensitive new age guy)! while reading this, i feel that you’re directing to everyone, at the same time, seems like you’re just writing for a specific person…hmmm, am i confusing you or am i confused?
anyways, oui, live life and love life!
sc,
I thought a snag means “sucky, noisy and gundu“? LOL.
Yes, this blog is directed to Everyone, to All of You… (Of course, it could always be directed at a specific person too on top of it all.)
Oui, oui, live life and love life!
Did I just see some Rotaract club members in your pictures…
must be my imagination.
I can sense the joy in your life when I speak to you, and I think it’s wonderful that you’ve found it. Have enjoyed all our makan sessions…you may not be a food blogger, but you’re one heck of a food stylist, man. My bowl of porridge never looked so good! Mmuah!!
Henry,
Not your imagination, bro. Mucho Rotaract pals I have, though I remain a perpetual guest and never a member. LOL.
Lyrical Lemongrass,
Cheh wah… big praise indeed from the preeminent food blogger du jour! Aiyah, not food stylist lah, just anal about positioning and everything. Centre centre baru nice ma…
Got me all choked up mien. Good idea abt declaring the Year of Being Happy. Got copyright? I shd start slow - Weekend of Being Less Lazy.
Tummythoz,
Hahaha… You crack me up! I used to have whole Months of Being Lazy! LOL. Now I’d be lucky to even ONE day of Being Lazy! LOL.
Aiyor, Kenny…ur tearing me up la. (knowing i tear up at the slightest thing. Haha..) Luckily i’m alone in the office..;o)
My blog definitely miss your sense of humour. Heheh..but understandable, knowing you have so much to do right now. You have a great weekend ya…=D
spiffy,
So easy cry-cry one. Shame-shame only. Hahaha…
Seriously though, I miss blog-hopping badly. Will get back to it ASAP. My weekend? I’m beginning it by packing boxes now… like twelve hours before the movers arrive… Egads!
Over 100 blogs a day. Not only you are a good writer, you are also a speed reader. I think what you are doing now is good. It is hard to please everyone at all times. Someone will get hurt or you will get burned out. Hop to those who need you most. I have graduated! However, whenever you need some chicken soup, drop by. I like Kopi Soh’s words, “Eng eng lai cheh cheh”. I will continue to remember you in my prayers.
p/s Heavy books at the bottom of the box, lighter items at the top. Put fragiles in one box and label it.
Dear Kenny - thanks for sharing the email with us. It’s very touching, and I’m really happy that your life is working itself out, that you’ve got a new job that you like (starting to, anyway), a new apartment to decorate (need some books?), and friends, friends, friends!
I do miss you on my blog (you are one of my three readers..LoL), and I had missed reading your posts, given how honest you are when it comes to emotional issues (now if all men were like that, I’d betcha there’ll be no wars).
All the best with everything and looking forward to the next posts.
hohoho… you noe wat? ur blog inspires me to write better! keep on writing because your writing make the day of others!
hope can be a good as you and have great circle of frens! chiow!
It’s nice to hear from you again. Such a poignant post, one that celebrates life with a passion. This is the one thing I love most about you… being so comfortable with yourself and most of all being and staying true to yourself.
*Chuckle* This post of yours is really bursting with energy, joy and fulfillment. You made me feel good too after reading it. I felt so inspired. Inspired to truly take hold of my life and live it to the fullest. I am happy to know that you have found what you wanted in life and now living it too.
Yeah, I had to agree… some times we just need to open up our heart and let happiness reach us. For long and lasting happiness, one must have courage to remain true to one’s convictions and most importantly courage to not be defeated by one’s weaknesses and negativity. Stay true to yourself and happiness will follow. Only when you are truly happy within, you could then bring happiness to those surrounding you – Like what you did with this post… it inspires others with your happiness and conviction.
Bye now. Stay healthy and happy. Don’t neglect your own health ok.
Hey you, you still owe dinner!;)
Any teh tarik or mamak place! Been to coffee hut in Tmn Tun? The hut is left to be desired but they offer great coffees there!Some gourmet ones too!
Hallo!! Nice day to u. Agree with u that people who really enjoy food are mostly nice people.
No problem, take it easy ;P
wah..super long..well live life to the fullest..although i still see my 120kg self zoom past once in a while when i bite in..haha..how yeah..once you are full back to the blogosphere..you have to do my tag!
If you want, I think the Gombak Club is looking for new members, although I presume you will only have limited years of membership
Hi Kenny, saw you at Seksan yesterday but didn’t get a chance to speak to you. Hope you’ll have a good week ahead of you.
Kenny,
I do admit i can be a cry baby at times. Where got shame-shame one..this is call sensitively feminine. (if there is such a word.Haha..) ;o)
I really had fun yesterday, apart from my voice going dead on me but you know what, i went back and slept at 330am. Can’t sleep! Probly too happy cuz i got to hang out with you guys. Hehe.. and here i am now at Starbucks..instead of resting at home. *nautee nautee*
Wah long post lah Kenny, not even sure how to comment!
Maybe do more stretches to improve flexibility - ha ha ha!
100+ blog is not that bad la… i lost count of my read list already… and trust me… i am going to startto filter off some.
Welcome back! Great to read your post. It’s good to know that you count your blessings and also know how to use them to! Till later..
Sorry…meant know how to use them TOO!
Liar! You don’t even miss me! *sob*
oh yeah..after u r done wif my tag..can u also do a “free”lance banner for me 2??
I like your comment on blending and breaking down barriers. Thru your blog, I’ve met so many wonderful creatures, delectable or otherwise, who have made my life richer. *reaching out for handkerchief to blow nose loud loud*
welcome back KennyMah
mrshbt,
I’m not a speed reader — I just don’t sleep! LOL.
But it’s true what you said about it being hard to please everyone at all times, though I must admit I still do try. Right now though, it’s about making hay while the sun shines and making the most of my life!
P.S. Move was successful and relatively pain-free. Nisa was around for “emotional support” as my Malaysian movers did the unimaginable and instead of arriving half an hour late, they came half an hour EARLY!
Eliza,
The new apartment is half-filled with my old stuff; the other half is quite bare still. So yes, it’s quite exciting as that means plenty of potential for new ideas!
Mostly I just want to make the place comfortable for myself and friends who drop by though, nothing fancy.
As for that last comment of yours, if all men were like me, we’d a nation of lazy sods, hahaha….
moja,
Trust me, we can all write better. The main thing is to keep trying and working on it.
Honestly, it’s comments like yours about how you want to write better that makes my day and remind me why I continue blogging!
Kleio da Muse,
True that, what you’re saying about Courage. I always used to think that courage meant brave deeds and valour. Now I know it is simply what you said — “to remain true to one’s convictions and most importantly to not be defeated by one’s weaknesses and negativity” — I know now this is absolutely possible.
Happiness may not be a permanent state of being, but while we’re in it, what a glorious time! what beauty!
P.S. A bit fatigued, esp. after Saturday’s move and some strenuous physical exertion yesterday, but will take care of my health. Thanks for your concern.
The Quiet Storm,
Babe, you know I’ll always make time for you!
Coffee Hut sounds great! Haven’t been there in ages — never seem to find the right sort of coffee for me yet though I never give up trying. Maybe I’d find the perfect blend with you? *hint, hint*
P.S. Emailed you my number: reciprocate with yours and hothoochiemama, we have a date!
Horny Ang Moh,
Thanks for dropping by. And given your blogname, food isn’t the only thing we agree on…. LOL
Jason,
Will do just that. Thanks for understanding, bro.
Joe with lots of cravings,
Your 120kg Past should meet my 92kg Past and have a major makan session together, hahaha….
What tag is this? *screws up eyes suspiciously*
Henry,
No worries, I’ve been invited to enough Rotaract, Toastmasters, et cetera clubs to know that I’d never find the time to commit to being a member, though I’m a perfect guest.
Guess that’s what they mean by “always a bridesmaid, never the bride.” Though this may change one day.
pelukismelukis,
So sorry I missed you! I was kinda dazed really, just sitting down and drinking loads of water. Not one drop of wine! I was really exhausted and dehydrated from the apartment move and the weather.
Catch you next month, I hope? Please do come up to me and introduce yourself, bro… I’m not good with matching faces to the names… LOL
spiffy,
“Sensitively feminine”? I think your “sensitive feminine” side should take a rest lah… Got flu on Saturday, can barely talk but still can find the energy to keep whacking my arm some more… LOL
Seriously though, having Meena, Pey and you pick me up from my new place to go to “Readings” was just fantastic! Felt Cinderello being picked up by three fairy godmistresses… LOL
Hope you get well soon, ya. Plenty of rest, drink loads of warm water with honey and ginger. Sure cure one, trust Dr. Kenny!
Tunku,
Aiyo, I bet you are very flexible one. You should join me for yoga one day together; I know many hot girls who can do wonderful things with their bodies, hahaha…
Zewt,
Eh, bro, how can I compare with you lah? You ought to be reading 200+ blogs a day! LOL.
P.S. Glad you like your new blog banner. The pic you sent me of your “angry zelf” waz veryz goodz…
wmw,
Count my blessings? O yes, I certainly know how to use them!
Strenuous physical exertion and all that…
Hahahha…That’s for replacing my vocals. Can’t talk but hands still working perfectly. =P Luckily, u din say fairy godmother. Hahah…You know i’ll AWLAYS be younger than you. Blekk..=P
Yes, yes Dr. Kenny. Will stay away from cold drinks..Thanks! i hope my cough and flu goes away ASAP too..it’s beginning to annoy me. Grr..!
dieselfire,
But… I’d be lying if I said I miss you? LOL
Hope the Superheroes + Supervillains Mixer went swell? Wish I could have made it but I was already speaking in tongues by 6pm according to my three fairy godmistresses…
Joe with Lots of Cravings,
Wah, another request ah? Why suddenly so many one? LOL.
Not a prob, bro — but like Zewt, don’t expect it to be finished on schedule. I do all these things in my free time. Let me know what you are thinking of, design-wise.
P.S. If I do this, can I be freed from doing the tag? LOL
Lyrical Lemongrass,
I’m glad you’ve made many new and wonderful friends. It’s always been my intention to draw all of us nearer — we’ve much more in common than differences.
Thanks for taking Pey, Grace and me to Marmalade last Sat, btw. The cakes were superb…
sulee,
Not quite back yet, just half-speed but love the welcome back. So sweet one.
spiffy,
Where would dare say that? You so young what…
And this be the last of my lunchtime comment replies. Who needs to spend one hour eating when one has such amazing comments to read? I pity those fools who eat Zingers and Snack Plates at KFC. LOL.
Didn’t make sense, that last one? Maybe. I know you get it. Back to work now, my little lovelies. Bye!
Kenny, amazing!
can’t wait to see the stuff you packed into your new apartment !
you are back! awww… that pic @ sandias reminds me of da jokes we had that night
Lydia,
Ah, haven’t heard from you in ages! Hope you’re doing well, dear.
cutebanana,
It’s still half-bare, sir, but I intend to do something to it ASAP. So much to do, and so little time to do it. So much to buy, and so little money to buy it with! LOL
MeiyeN,
O that night was hilarious! Good fun all around. I’m so glad I met all you floggers, though my waistline may think otherwise… LOL
Kenny,
Let’s go shopping for ur new place!! =D
spiffy,
Would love to, except for two simple factors:
1. No time, and
2. No money!
LOL. Seriously though, I’m gonna scrounge around for more second-hand/flea-market-ish stuff to decorate the rest of my apartment. Definitely do not want it to look like a page out of an IKEA catalogue.
Will head back to Malacca this weekend to visit my folks and maybe grab a couple more things from my room back home. My parents would be glad to see me move even more stuff out! LOL
What’s hip these days is simplicity. Less in in and more is out. Of course, you do need the basics. If I have a choice between buying a new sofa or a dining table, I would buy the latter. Guests never seem to leave the dining table, even after a meal.
p/s In the name of helping my Mom clean or tidy, I am always able to find hidden treasures from my Mom’s store room. Have a great weekend visiting your parents. Would love to read an article about your trip.
Kenny,
Not no money & no time. It’s not enough of money and time. Got difference. ;o) Yea, i was initially thinking of Ikea but you said the other day that u dun want ur place looking like Ikea. So, NO Ikea. LoLzz..
Hahah…especially ur mom right? Have a nice trip back to Malacca..i’ll be heading to Ipoh on Saturday for a one day trip. ^_^
Dear mrshbt,
O yes, I do plan on “helping my Mom clean & tidy”, hahaha. I have my eye on more than a couple of items already… LOL
Simplicity is the key, I agree. I’ve taken a couple of pix of my apartment already but want to get a few more things in and take more pix before posting them. Nothing pretty but very homey and comfortable.
As for the dining table, I’ve an alternative to it: Moroccan-style dining on the carpet with cushions and trays to place the food. Not formal but can still be very classy-casual with the right amount of candle-light and white roses in water…
spiffy,
Gotcha: “not enough of money and time.” But I went and spent some yesterday anyway, and man, was it worth it! Place looks loads better now, even if I did have to hit IKEA after all.
Have fun in Ipoh! Hear them Ipoh girls have skin like peaches & cream… If you’re lucky, them Ipoh boys won’t be half bad either!
Reading your comment always brings me smile. Moroccan style dining is romantic, simple and easy to relocate. The pillows can be easily added for additional guests and easily stored away when guests leave. Brilliant!
mrshbt,
Always happy to make you smile, dear. You’re right about Moroccan style dining: “romantic, simple and easy to relocate. The pillows can be easily added for additional guests and easily stored away when guests leave.”
Which makes it great for a bachelor with limited space (382sq.ft) and budget!
Can’t wait to post some pix of my apartment — give you guys a little clue to how I live… not like a pig-sty, thank goodness! LOL
hahaha…maybe? well i was thinking of course..duh..food related haha..havent got a clue how i could do dis myself of course..no hurry of course..*foot tapping and fingers drumming on the table*
Hahahah…am keeping my fingers crossed but not really keen to get someone who’s so far away (wahh…say until like i’m definitely gonna find sumone there like tht. lolzz..). Anyway, we’re going caving..so i’ll most likely be too tired to cuci mata after that. i’ll come back safely, i hope..*Gulp!*
Joe with lots of cravings,
Give me another reminder this Friday and we’ll see if I can find sometime this weekend to whip something up for you. No promises though cos this week is especially killer and I desperately need some R&R myself this coming weekend.
spiffy,
How was the caving in Ipoh? And managed to cuci mata or not in the end? LOL.
Kenny,
The caving was wonderful and loads of fun..! I’m still amazed that i did all that i did the other day..Slide down a steep slope(two, actually), walk in water, at some parts i had to crawl cuz it was too low to even “duck walk”..will update in my blog soon, i hope. Hehe..;o)
No la..like i said, i was too tired to cuci mata (only slept one hour the night before bcuz was partying at Benny’s bday..hehe). We ate some good food though..yum yum!~
spiffy,
Sounds like you had a whale of a time! Good on you!
yep yep, definitely had a whale of a time.. will make another trip back there one of these days. ;o)
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