“Daisy Age” by Steve Ford Elliott
We met at the end of an affair.
Some might call it The Great Love Affair. A Musical, filled with Songs! Dances! Mirth! and yes, plenty of Drama! But all good things come to an end. Once lovers, now friends.
Never just friends though; there is a love that can transcend failed romance and bitter disappointment; a love that erases all the ugly and painful bits, leaving only the best parts of a relationship renewed on the slow building of fresh trust. It takes time, all good things do, I tell myself.
Once I had accepted this, I told myself I have to move on. I will be happy again. (I remember calling the Lady in the middle of the day just to tell her I’m back, laughing and teasing mercilessly — and she knew I had truly returned, from the half ghost of me that was trawling around for weeks; she understood I was me again.)
Of course, I decided that this meant I was not to go anywhere near a romantic relationship, not for a good long time. (And I have the track record proving my capability of sticking to this: a good three years between my Ex and the One Before; falling in love does not come easy to me.)
It was time, I decided, to have some fun. Go out again, date, mingle, flirt, fool around some. The world was my fuckin’ oyster and I would have her pearls. I will be young and foolhardy again; I will make mischief and mayhem. I will be careless and carefree. I will be just me, just I-I-I, not part of a me-and-you anymore. No, I was quite certain on this particular point.
Then I met you.
First day out of the jailhouse so to speak (the useless, unnecessary prison I had constructed around myself), and there you were. Day One saw us exchanging the basic information about ourselves — our favourite authors (we both love Neil Gaiman), the places we’ve been (all over Europe, plus a love of backpacking), past relationships (ah, this topic never fails to turn up, no?), and all the flirting in between the lines.
You made me smile again, the way I thought I had forgotten how to.
Day Two could not have come faster. More flirting ensued. All my other dates that were lined up (is it just me, or does being newly single make one suddenly highly desirable?) were forgotten without a second thought. And at the stroke of midnight, I persuaded you say yes to our first proper date.
At a 24-hour McDonald’s.
Not the most ideal venue, perhaps, but the hours seem to slip away. Soon, light came and it was dawn. We talked about everything under the moon that night but all I can recall is wanting very much to lean over and give you a kiss. I didn’t, but the look in your eyes told me you wanted the same too.
A second date, a third. Decent dining, a movie, and then finally, kisses. Sweet, slow ones that pepper like the soft wings of butterflies. We kiss like old lovers, with the patience and confidence this could last forever. We had all the time in the world because when we are in each other’s arms, there is no more time to worry about.
Later, I looked at you, and you asked me why, and I told you I was putting your face to memory. And you replied that you already did that the moment we met.
And my heart broke, because I knew you meant what you were saying, I knew then you were falling for me.
That was dangerous. We both knew this, we both understood I could well on the rebound from a recent break-up. It’s not unknown, not that uncommon, after all. And infatuation is easy. We both knew the drill, the dangers.
But. Life’s too short and too precious to be wasted on worrying, on half-guessing every action and every intention.
So when you said “I love you”, my heart just plain stopped.
It only started again a couple days later, when I told you…
I love you. I love finally being able to say I love you. I love that you knew I have been loving you even before I said it. I love that, despite struggling to find the perfect moment to say I love you, from planning a candle-lit dinner this weekend to conjuring up something in the midst of the restless masses, the perfect moment came anyway – last night, when I said I love you, and it came like thunder and it came like a whisper, and nothing could hold it back.
And to have you in my arms as I said it, to seal it with a thousand kisses, to see the contentment in your face, I knew I am a happy man at last, that finally, truly, I could not ask for more. You said, teasingly, craftily – I see this now – that you were willing to wait, and that it wouldn’t be that different from what we were already having. You meant it, of course, but you also knew what I did not; that I’ve fallen for you as hard as you have for me.
You were just waiting for me to catch up.
We both know that there are no guarantees in life. But we also know that shouldn’t stop us from loving each other fully, dangerously, completely. You told me you couldn’t promise me the world, you couldn’t promise me you will love me for the rest of your life, but this you could promise me: that you promise to love me with all your heart at right now. Right now: that’s all we can promise each other, and that’s no consolation, that’s real and that’s everything.
I love you, my boo. That’s right now, come what may. And that’s forever.
“Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas.”
“The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.”
Blaise Pascal (1623 – 1662)
44 Comments
awww….such a sweet sweet post… ur 2nd last paragraph made me think of my own situation. so complicated and simple at the same time.. but i’m glad ur back to ur own self.
honestly, altho we haven seen each other in AGES(blekk..~)…i can feel ur happiness in ur blog. *hugs*
I don’t know whether for you this is a good post or bad post but when I read it, only one word describe this post: BEAUTIFUL.
It is nice that you pour out everything in your blog. It’s very brave of you to do it.
I’m proud of you! *Pat on your back*
brekkie brekkie brekkie…
i’m blur now… i hv no idea this is in d present or d past… -_-”
anyway all in good stride…
brekkie sunday morning!!! (no access to facebook in ofis..)
Spiffy
Well, sometimes Life can be complicated, but it’s not all that complex, if you know what I mean. I’ve learned my lesson not to overthink anymore, and just accept whatever comes as it comes.
And when something this good comes, I’d be a fool to ignore simply because of recent pain or past experiences. I always believe in hope, and in good things happening to us. To you, too.
(We so need to catch up lah; AGES is right!)
Nastasshea @ Nesh
It is a good post, it’s a very good post for me. Indeed it adds on to the previous posts on my past conflict and its resolution; it’s the ray of light signalling a new day for me.
And I’m not brave; just trying to show my gratitude for the blessings I’ve received. *hugs*
asstha
Brekkie is on; I think I best email you what I wrote on your Facebook Wall since you can’t access it.
And this is in the present (and recent past), whereas the post before this was on matters a month old (though being written in the present tense somehow got everyone thinking I was still in that situation, oh dear).
My heart bled when I read this. I damn heart you! Hahah!
hahaha… no need to send me separate email… lappie forrows me home everyday… hahaha… so tonite i can access facebook…
actually in ofis can if i switch to wifi but den i won’t b able to access my ofis applications which i need to…
hahaha… i figured it’s in the present too n the post before was wayyyyyyy outdated… but i’m glad… yes… all stride… wen a door closes another one opens but sometimes we’re so hung up on the closed door that we fail to see the other open one behind us… *cheers*…
gina
Did it though? Did it truly bleed?
*laughs, then smacks himself for being facetious*
My dear, I damn heart you too; in fact, I double heart you!
asstha
Of course, send you email ma… you did say you had no Facebook access… wouldn’t want to miss a Sunday breakfast with a lovely young lady, no?
Glad you figured out the turn-of-events. Obviously I was in no mood to write about it during the worst of it (“After, ___”) and during the fresh start (“We”), well, let’s say I was otherwise preoccupied. Ahem.
Thanks dear.. i have indeed been trying real hard to live day by day. It’s tough at times, but honestly, like you said.. if something this good comes along.. it must be fate.
I am really happy… if not for you-know-what-&-who. ;o)
Yalar… we so need to catch up. =P
You write as beautifully as ever
Spiffy
Trust me, I know what it feels like, one day at a time, one inch closer to the letting go and finding some peace again. And after that, love once more. It will come, my dear, even when you least expect it, so long as you are ready for it.
*more hugs till we meet again*
jadedwhistler
*blushes*
awww this is a really sweet (and happy) post!
all the best!
So sweet
I will get out of the self-imposed ‘jailhouse’ soon too!!
All the best! Love her like there’s no tomorrow
carrot
Thanks for your well wishes! Am working at making it work, except it’s been so easy so far, it doesn’t seem like much work at all.
Perhaps this is finally a sign of what’s meant to be?
Piggles
That’s great to hear! We owe to ourselves to free ourselves from our ‘jailhouses’ and make our days today (i.e. don’t wait till tomorrow to love as we should love today, madlydeeplytruly).
Give it your best shot, dear! *hugs*
*hugs* back
ooooo finally found it! i had problem going to your blog for days
That was really lovely! Glad to see that you’re back!
Piggles
Though we haven’t yet met (I think, though I’m guessing we’re both hardcore gym-nuts), I am so glad to have connected with you via our blogs.
nicolesulee
Haiya… can’t be that hard to find what… it does bear my real name after all… It might be a tad too public as it is…
wokandspoon
Thanks! And I’m looking forward to more of your gorgeous food blog posts!
dang!
not long after embracing singledom again you found yourself such a gem!
i’m truly envious
all the best to the both of you!
cheers~
Zaty
Thanks, I really appreciate the support! And this one’s truly a gem, so rest assured I’ll do my best to make the most of our good fortune to have come together.
Haha…gym is but a tiny obsession for me
I only go like oh…5x a week.
Piggles
Yeah, “only” five times a week. Well, I’m definitely a gym-nut and not afraid to admit, hehe. Though you’d more likely catch me in the lounge area using the WiFi to surf the net than actually working out, haha.
Hey, do you go to FF The Curve? We should catch up in a class one day. BodyBalance / BodyCombat / BodyPump ?
Well…I do try to balance between rest and working out :D. I see you even do finger ‘exercises’ at the gym. Haha.
Hmm…something tells me I’m a bit too obvious about my usual haunt
Yes, I do all of the above and everything else Les Mills Except RPM.
Piggles
Balance? Right now I just want to sleep the whole of tomorrow away (being a holiday in Selangor, yippee!) but I’m probably gonna hit the gym this evening for a free weights workout and do a Combat class tomorrow. (Lilian’s doing an early one at The Curve methinks.)
I’ve done everything Les Mills except RPM and BodyAttack (just never got around doing it). But really have no talent for BodyJam or BodyStep… Very un-coordinated…
Sleep sounds good
It hasn’t come easy to me lately though 
Despite what others say, I think the new BC is fun. It’s energetic, fast paced and rather interesting (except for track 8).
One can’t be good at everything. You’re good at writing so leave being good at BJ and BS to the instructors. Mere mortals just go for classes to have fun and hopefully get fit
Give BA a shot. Not much coordination required. Just need a very strong cardiovascular system
Piggles
I haven’t managed to catch the new BC release yet, but then again, I never seem to agree with the “regulars” on what I like/dislike. To each their own, I suppose.
Definitely will give BA a shot one of these days… Now whether I’ll survive it or not, that’s a very different question, hehe..
Hope some good sleep and rest comes to you tonight, dear. *hugs*
U bounced back .. into the arms of luuurvvvveeeeee. Can post pictures of your candlelight dinner? Think my last time was when the whole of KL plunged into darkness .. in the 80’s? Lucky girl to have found a romantic you.
Tummythoz
Aiyoooo… you’re as mushy as I am lar. “.. into the arms of luuurvvvveeeeee”? Hehe.
Wahh, your sense of romance very epic… to have a candlelight dinner with you, the whole city must be blacked out?
And pictures? What pictures? As a matter of fact, what candlelight dinner?
I gave my best…but I guess my best wasn’t good enough :’(
Piggles
The important thing was that you gave it your best. We really can’t give more than that. But oh I feel so bad for you…
*hugs hugs hugs*
Aww very sweet. Remember my own motto was: “Live and Learn, Crash and Burn” and I’m still standing
So go for it.
Msiagirl
Well, have definitely crashed, and burned too. Multiple times. And like you, dear, I’m still standing.
As for living and learning, hey, isn’t that what this blog is about?
Ahhh…even virtual hugs feel so good now. Sometimes life teaches us bitter lessons but I will take it all in stride
What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger!
Of course any encouragement is more than welcome too
Piggles
I’m glad you’re feeling better and looking up again… truly, what doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger for the next milestone in our lives!
I’ve got more to share, but best leave it for later today, when I’ve got more time at my disposal. *hugs*
Piggles
This is the story I wanted to share with you, something I’ve found to have made all the difference to me when I realised I couldn’t go further with my Ex and yet it was so difficult to move on:
There was a scholar who was to marry his fiancee, but on the day of marriage, his fiancee changed her mind and married someone else. The scholar was devastated and fell ill. His family seek all kinds of medical treatment for him, but still he showed no sign of recovery. They were about to give up hope on him when a wandering monk passed by. After learning about the scholar’s condition, the monk walked to the scholar’s bed and took out a mirror for the dying man to see.
In the mirror, the scholar saw a vast ocean, and the naked body of a murdered woman lay on the beach. A man passed by, looked at the body, shook his head and left. Another man who passed by saw the body, took off his robes to cover the body and left.
Finally came a man passing by who saw the body, dug a hole and laid the body carefully to rest before burying it.
The scene in the mirror suddenly changed. The scholar saw his fiancee in a nuptial chamber and another man was lifting her wedding veil…
The scholar blinked at the monk, confused. Slowly the monk explained, “The woman whose body you saw on the beach was your fiancee in her previous life. In your previous life, you were the second man who gave her his robes to cover her body. To repay your kindness in this lifetime, she loved you for a period of time and became your fiancee. However, ultimately the man whose favor she has to return for the rest of her life is the third man who buried her. And that man is now her husband.”
Enlightened, the scholar sat up and recovered from his depression.
I don’t think it’s really about Enlightenment or Buddhism per say, no more than how I am always touched by the “Footsteps” story which is more Christian, but regardless of their origins, these stories are great comfort and do help us make sense of our pain and confusion.
I hope this helps you, even if a little.
Hmm…Interesting story. I’ve never heard that one before.
I hope that she didn’t love me to repay me for ‘covering her body with my robes’. I’d like to think that once upon a time, she really did care for me but I guess the feeling was not as strong for her as it was for me. Anyhoo, whoever ‘buried’ her, may he/she love her more than I can
Piggles
My take from the story isn’t quite so literal as a process of repayment, but simpler. That this was the time we were alloted with someone whom we love, but we have to move on so we can meet the one whom we will truly connect with on every level, i.e. mutual love and respect and desire for each other, for a longer term, perhaps for the rest of our lives.
And you can also view yourself as the one who is covered, not necessarily the one who covers/buries. It is just as true that we are the one who will get to meet the right person next.
“But really have no talent for BodyJam or BodyStep… Very un-coordinated…”
have you tried the new bodystep release? it’s good! i like! go try! who cares if you’re uncoordinated
Yessir, Sgt. Carrot, sir!
thanks for sharing the short and meaningful story, dear.. it does enlighten me more or less. =)
Spiffy
My dear, this story helped me a lot too when I first read it. And as I’ve suggested to Piggles, we might as likely be the woman as the man in the story.
In other words, we too will have our day in the sun… we will find the right person one day or have him/her find us. I believe this strongly for myself and for all of you.
*hugs hugs hugs*
i’m always a sucker for sweet sincerity like this.
dizzy
You and me both.
Kenny, the love counselor
Thanks for the wishes.
Incoming Links
Leave a Reply