“Elizabeth St., Sydney” by CK
Time makes fools of us all.
We take risks, we flounder and we fail, we fall and wonder if it’s worth trying to get up again.
Life can be a series of bad decisions, each new one adding fresh salt to old wounds, and every turn of the screw compounding the hurt, the shame, the embarrassment we feel we won’t be able to outrun or outlive, even. But we will, we survive, not at the end of it all, but along the way, while we have our breath still in us, while we still have life to live.
The years have been cruel to us; the years have been kind. All we need is perspective, a distant mirror closer to reality than our little imagined everyday disasters, to allow us to see this good fortune. We are not that unlucky, we’ve not been that ill-treated. God, our families, our friends, strangers and enemies, the world, the universe… They’ve all been good to us.
This is true if we give ourselves permission to give up our grievances and our excuses and really take stock of what we have. And my dear friends, we have a lot. We have plenty. Food on the table, a roof over our heads, a decent job, good company and loyal friends. There might have been periods when we truly went wanting, but let that pass, let that go.
Time makes amends, time mends.
And as I say this prayer for all of you, surely I’m saying it for myself; I’m reminding myself, over and over again: This, too, shall pass. There is nothing gained from holding on too tightly, from desiring too furiously. Let go, let go.
Yet Life still has tricks up its sleeves; it is not an old man lost in sleep or a scheming crone, bitter and cold; nay, Life is Loki, the fire-eater, the master trickster and Life will surprise us even as we’ve given up on it.
There is so much love in the world, I think to myself, and I have so much love to give. But maybe there is no one for me. Yes, even I can falter, even I can consider the possibilities of never finding my other half. And here Life’s game begins.
We meet for dinner. I’ve postponed this meal a few times already, work gets in the way, does it not? And since I gave up dating, I’ve stayed longer and longer hours in the office and in the gym; I get thinner and thinner and my friends worry about me. But today, I take a day off and we meet at last.
And from that moment on, we’ve never really been apart, have we? A week lost to Australia, a dinner party no one sane would have refused — aside from these, there have been no gaps in our days and nights together. Where is the turn, when we meet as friends and leave as lovers? We have no answer to this, and we don’t really need one, do we?
I have no more love stories.
A long time ago, I read that one needs to be miserable to create art, to voice out true poetry. Is it easier to write when you’re unhappy? Then I’ll gladly give up my sole talent, if that is what it is, my lone contribution to this world, to spend the rest of my years waking up with you by my side, my dear.
You tell me “I love you” is too easy. Everyone says it. That there needs to be something more, something that wraps all the promises and vows together. The Chinese say, “执子之手，与子偕老” — eight words instead of three. But don’t you see? That these three small words are all I have? They are me, they are everything. And if you cannot see beyond their barren brevity, let me hope that over the years that span our life together, these words will lose their maligned mass appeal, and you will know as the days pass, that our love does speak louder than words.
But know you this, it all begins with words, with the Word, with these Three Words: I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
…till it becomes a litany, till it rings truer than ever, till your ears are bent to listen, till your eyes open up your heart and see what this is. I love you.
Damn it, I do.
When all was dull and worthless, you came and gave me the breath of life. Let us carry this breath, till we are old and spent and when there is naught left for us to give, let us leave together, let us carry this breath till there is no breath left to breathe.
N.B. Pinyin for “执子之手，与子偕老”: zhi2 zi3 zhi1 shou, yu zi3 xie lao.
74 Comments
“There is so much love in the world, I think to myself, and I have so much love to give. But maybe there is no one for me. Yes, even I can falter, even I can consider the possibilities of never finding my other half. And here Life’s game begins.”
I thought you have a girlfriend or a wife already.err.. hey if you’re single its okayla. You’re just single but that doesn’t mean you’re alone.
Just like me, im single but im happy.
equilibrium2008
Eh, I’m not single lar… very much attached. I guess the problem with my writing is that it tends to be stream-of-consciousness and I love using the present tense even as I gallop across the span of months in a few paragraphs. Do read the later parts carefully to see the, uhm, happy conclusion…
But I do very much agree with you that being single doesn’t mean we’re alone or we’re unhappy. (For that matter, I know plenty of couples who spend much of their time apart and unhappy, so there you go.) Still, I am happy to be with my baby now…
ah i see, now it made sense to me now.. got confused with your blog
Me, still wonderin’ with the guy im seeing, if there is indeed a future ahead of us or we will be just forever dating.
equilibrium2008
No worries, I think my blog and the way I write confuses a lot of people. It’s almost always unintentional. Heh.
I guess it’s normal to wonder about whomever we’re with… but there comes a time (or a person, indeed) with whom we just feel perfectly comfortable and sure of. It does happen, and it may or may not last, this feeling, but that’s not the point. We’re talking about now, not eternity. If at all, eternity exists in the now. Totally.
eh eh. dah tukar interface dan URL!
elizabeth st, that’s where the park is?
Actually, we’ve been dating for more than a year now. but he can’t commit because I am not pure chinese. But some of his actions confuse me a lot. But of course I don’t want to assume anything. Coz I might get hurt in the end. Although now I am hurting already but I still believe in loving him despite of all the pains i am going through.
keropokman
Yeah, thought it was a good time to move to a place of my own. Wordpress offers a great free blog service but I’d have to use their templates (which I think I’ve manipulated to a great extent already in my previous blog). Here, I have more control over the look, which again, as always, has to be clean and simple for me.
As for Elizabeth St., yup, it’s quite close to the park and the Botanical Gardens too.
equilibrium2008
That sounds like a good plan to me, the having faith in him bit. (Yes, even in love, we do have plans and stratagems and exit strategies… didn’t someone say that love is a battlefield?) In the end, I believe we can all take care of ourselves; if we stick to something, we have our own reasons we know best.
yes, I know that. I chose to stick with him so I better be prepared with the consequences too. But sometimes, I am about to give up. But if I am ready to do so, something is telling me inside not to give up. sometimes, i think i’m weird though.
btw, he told me already that he cannot give me more than what we have now but i dont know why i am still holding on.
equilibrium2008
“he told me already that he cannot give me more than what we have now”
Sometimes I feel ‘honesty’ like this can be quite a cop-out. A bit of “Hey, didn’t I warn you before?” so that when something does happen, there’ll be a safety net.
Others may disagree. Better to underpromise and overdeliver (if at all). I guess the real issue here is if someone isn’t sure, there really is no point in pushing. Doesn’t mean there’s no point in pursuing though. I’m a big fan of perseverance and fighting for what I want.
hehe, i will take note of that. well right now I am not expecting anything in return. I am just enjoying his company.
the years have taught me to be foe with time. treat them bad as they will never remember you and will just cause more sufferings. they take everything you have and leave you with nothing but emptiness and longings…
goes to show, what lasts? while one lusts…
oh a happier note, wah, bro, congrats on your new domain! and never knew the casanova u were attached! fantastic! hehehe…
equilibrium2008
And that is perfection in itself — simply enjoying each other’s company. *hugs*
Nic (KHKL)
Wah, brother, you sound even more melancholic than I was at your age leh… Is time really a foe, or simply we haven’t had enough tussles with it yet to know that, in the Big Picture, it all works out somehow.
On a more kaypoh note, does this have anything to do with your metaphorical (or perhaps not-so-metaphorical) Ohana-san?
And thanks! I’m happy with the new domain… and never knew I was a Casanova… since when?
hehe so i guess yah better give me a ‘permanent’ date la.;)
equilibrium2008
‘Permanent’ date? Is there such a thing?
yes for me there is la…
so maybe you can find me one.. oh i remember you mentioned you’re planning to set a dating company right? So let me be your first client 
Hey dear…new URL, new interface eh? =)
Your posts always seemed to strike straight at the heart. I’m always asked as well…”Why do you say I Love You so easily? Is it the same with all your ex-es?” I want to tell him that it’s not. I don’t remember saying “i Love You’ as many times to him as i did with the others..but me, i’m never good with words that are spoken, i’m much better expressing myself with writing..which sometimes people get bored at reading. *shrugs*
We don’t always get what we want… I recently did something really unforgiveable (to the point where i was embarassed to even talk to him) but miraculously he’s not angry nor did he mentioned anything bout it.
So, i don’t really care now if we have a future…if we’re even attached or not. I’m just so glad that he’s still willing to talk to me and still care. I guess it takes a mistake like that to really wake me up to my senses and be grateful of what i’m already receiving instead of expecting for so much more.
Ahhh…new ‘house’!! Very tidy and neat! Nice!
very much attached??? hmm??? What has happened in the past month, mister???
how are ya, anyways?
My my my such public show of affection…Jealous-nye!
touching, experimenting …touching
you have just begun on this long and usually convulated thing but thats life
we just read that true love is loving another more than thyself ( now …thats truly a mouthful ain’t it ?)
My old eyes can’t read your sidebarlah…lovely post, of course. I can see “in the moment” is where your torch is burning, and that is a good thing. Long may your breath mingle with your beloved. pax.
deep…simplicity can be as ornate and artful
equilibrium2008
Hahaha, oh yeah that’s right! We mentioned it in the comments for the “Meet the Floggers” post. Why, it’d my utmost pleasure to have you as my first client, my dear…
Spiffy
“We don’t always get what we want”
No, we don’t. But I am beginning to learn that the important, the true things we really need and really want, those are the things we ask for, and those are the things we receive eventually. No point asking for a million bucks, for example, if that isn’t what would truly make us happy.
No, the greatest tragedy isn’t not becoming rich and famous or whatever Society commands us to crave, nay, it is simply not even finding out we truly desire and never having the opportunity to chase that dream.
“… be grateful of what i’m already receiving instead of expecting for so much more …”
Amen to that, dear, on the first count. There’s nothing wrong with expecting more, heck, I’ll heartily encourage it; just that we’d have to learn not to neglect our daily prayers of gratitude first. What lies beyond us cannot compare to what we already hold.
*hugs*
Precious Pea
Thank you, thank you, welcome to the new ‘house’ … do come back more often, yeah? I’ll prepare saucers of warm milk and doggie treats for ya… Hehe.
Nao
Much has traversed, Mr. Tokyo-by-way-of-California. Heh heh. Will try and catch up with you one of these days. But suffice to say, I’ve never been more content, stop seeking for that something we’ve spent hours discussing and dissecting cos I’ve found it. Life is good, sir, very good.
A Lil Fat Monkey
Haiya, this is only online. You should see me offline, in public for real these days. There’s really no point in saving up any affection for later, for private, for whatever, cos all that may never come. Just now, there is just now. Love completely and not hold anything back….
Btw, see ya and McCutie tonight for dinner. Nothing like double-dating and luxury chocolates, both dark and white.
(You’re gonna have to take the pack of dark chocolates; McCutie only eats normal, boring ones…)
team bsg
Hahaha, convoluted is a perfect way of describing my writing process: it starts one way, then veers off in an utterly different direction too easily. But that’s just me. I’m glad anyone’s able to make head or tail of my writing in the first place!
Msiagirl
So sorry about the sidebar. I’m still tweaking muchly with the design and interface, and mind you, I’m not exactly trained in CSS and other web-design-thingamabobs. But I learn quickly, oh yes I do. Hee.
And if there’s anyone I could rely on to see the “in the moment” flashes in my writing, it’s surely you, my dear. Thank you, by the way, I love that line of yours —- “Long may your breath mingle with your beloved.”
Beautiful.
thewailer
I dunno about deep (or ornate and artful, for that matter), but I’m definitely trying to keep things as simple as possible. (We are talking about my design, right? Cos my writing as thick as thieves in a pre-sales members-only Isetan midnight orgy for tai-tai’s and Datins…)
Hey Kenny… is there something wrong with your RSS feed? I can’t seem to add your new site to Google Reader.
Nice work on the new “home” for your blog.
Life and love. Llove and life. What is life without love?
(love is defined as relationship between ppl that u adore and admired )
Ted Mahsun
Hmm, will look into it, bro… There are still a lot of tweaking to do… it’s a new site with old content… same crap, new problems…
daphne
What is life without love? Oh, I shudder even to imagine.
I still can’t believe how you can write like that. SImple, and beautiful.
My life has had it’s series of ups and downs. I like to believe that it’s been more ups than downs. No point having a defeatist attitude to life, when I have so much more of it left. And so much more love. Yes, so much so much more…
BTW, nice new place! All very clean-cut. I like it.
=)
I can read the Pin Yin, still dunno what the heck it says…Next time put a translation for bananas like moi pls…
Another ‘heavy’ post from you eh? Well here’s my 2cents worth: Life is too short to be living in the past. Live for the now and live for a better future ahead!
Can I comment on the facelift too? Very hard to read la…the old style had ’sharper’ colours, more definition. And it felt more ‘you’. I’m gonna give mine site a little tweak too…after that countdown clock expires
I don’t usually do this but, equilibrium2008, I really hope things work out for you. I hope your relationship doesn’t have to meet a dead end. Stay strong!
Ted Mahsun: I managed to add this to google reader by keying it in (in the add subscriptions field).
Kenny, congratulations on your new site. Like Msiagirl, I have the same prob with reading too. haha. I think it’s a prob that afflicts the older ones.
So happy to see u in lub.
bro… you change blog url like changing clothes eh?
“All we need is perspective”
Indeed Kenny. There’s always a silver lining. Always.
Michelle
“No point having a defeatist attitude to life, when I have so much more of it left.”
That’s the spirit! Exactly what I’m talking about! Everyone has their ups and downs, and even if there’s more downs than ups for the moment, there’s really nothing stopping us from focusing on the ups rather the downs.
And thanks! The blog design’s not quite done yet, but I do prefer it simple myself.
Piggles
Hahaha, don’t worry, I’m a banana too. When my baby said to me, I didn’t quite understand it. Only when I repeated it to my angel Rachel and she translated it did I truly understand it.
Roughly, it means “To hold your hands in mine, to be with you as we grow old, together.”
And yeah, it’s a big thing to have someone say that to me. It does, in hindsight, make all my “I love you’s” pale in comparison.
As for the website re-design, yes… there are still some things to be tweaked. I just needed something in place first. Work-in-progress? All your comments are really helpful, by the way. Mucho thanks!
Lyrical Lemongrass
Thanks for helping with Ted’s problem. I still haven’t figured out how to fix it yet… but I notice the RSS feed button appears on the address bar in Firefox but not Internet Explorer. I guess this template is more Mozilla-friendly?
Ya, I think I have to opt for more clear colour contrasts (when I find the time). And no lar, where got older ones? You and Msiagirls are practically jailbait in my eyes…
zewt
Hehe, better than changing partners like changing clothes, right? Lol.
Yuri
“There’s always a silver lining. Always.”
You are a wise man, Yuri-san. A wise man. Sometimes the silver lining is tougher to find, but if we keep looking out for it, it’s definitely there.
Okie will update my feed!! You chane house how many time a year, i hin hin oledi ler but i not too wori as long as i noe where to find u, i hepi
love……. aaaaaaaaaaaa
wow! new look, new houses, looks so goregous!
Hey there, it’s a nice new “home” here!
Never knew that they’re not open 24/7 before this ^^
And yep, it was a surprised to bump into you at McD the other night
Kopi Soh
Hehe, change house? Where got so many times… but so long as you are happy, I am happy…
irene
Yes, love does bring that “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” out of us, doesn’t it? Hehe.
Big Boys Oven
Gorgeous? Wait till I’m really done with the design, BBO! (Wah, like boasting some more… Nolar, just kiddin’ only.)
jason
Yeah, I think even that one wasn’t 24/7 before their change to 24 Hours, but then, I could be wrong. Btw, I was at Kampachi, Pavilion last night… I think the flogger bug has bitten me! I so annoyed everyone by taking pics of the food before eating, haha.
how’s your May 1? Gosh i just slept the whole day coz i left my laptop at the office. So now when I got back, I posted 3 entries for today.
equilibrium2008
Mine was spent at the gym, shopping at IKEA with my baby, then dinner at Kampachi, Pavilion… followed by a highly embarrassing and depressing Bio-therme skin analysis…
hehe, oh well after my two-week audit project, I can start now my wushu classes..
since pple commenting on difficulty in reading.. let me ‘tambah garam dan tambah cuka’.
the left side the grey and white’s too ‘blended’, can’t really see the white lettering. (esp if your monitor is a new one and is very bright. hehe…)
oops, the word blended invoked the gluttony in me. ice blended. yum yum….
oh yes, where are the food pix from Kampachi?
Jail bait?? hahahahahah yeah when all those 60-80-year old guys hit on me…(and they do, baby, they do!)
Don’t be depressed about your skin analysis, they just wanna make you buy products, just talk to your aromatherapy auntie.
sudah pindah rumah?
Looks cozy!
equilibrium2008
Wushu classes? Wow… remind me not make you mad, dear, if your “kungfu is powerful”… Any guesses which movie that’s from? Hehe.
keropokman
Hahaha,I can’t imagine how you went from commenting on my blog design to dreaming about an ice blended drink… Oh, right. You’re a flogger. Hahaha..
But yes, I realise my laptop’s screen ain’t too bright and I need to find a colour scheme that fits all sorts of monitors and ‘age groups’ — will do, in time. Now be the Weekend and the Kenny is Lazy during the Weekend, he is.
P.S. Kampachi pix coming right up, either the next post, or post after the next post, whatever it is. I never know what I’m gonna blog about till, well, till I blog about it. Odd, but true.
Msiagirl
Aromatherapy Auntie? Then make me your (and everyone else’s) Agony Uncle then. We’re not that old lah… but yes, it is a tad depressing, but also very enlightening. And of course, they want to sell products, but nothing wrong with that if the product works, right?
But no one makes me smell good like you do. With your essential oil scent you made for me, that is. I refuse to buy commercial colognes when I have bottles of Msiagirl’s world-exclusive ‘Kenny B Good’ — it’s perfect!
Christine
Dah pindah rumah, tapi masih belum kemas lagi. Tunggu ya…
*long, deep sigh*
first i was surprised by the lay change, then my breath was taken away by the ending of the entry.
lovely as always, kenny =)
Zaty
I think I actually blushed at your comment, dear. Thanks. *grins*
new place! new place!
(hops, skips, jumps)
Aiks you spent May 1 at the gym? Didn’t see you also…I was there almost the whole day wor…BC BP BA
When are you joining me la?
eh why the new site and layout?? i like ur previous layout *pouts*
u know chinese? i thought u were a self-proclaimed banana? ;p
Every little words on this post is simply beautiful said & written. Maybe beacuse it was inspired by your loved one. Breath of life, just catch my breath away!
Finally a new domain on your own.
A new home with simplicity! Nice one!
pat-ness
Yes indeedy, your lovely pat-ness… (hops, skips, jumps, too)
Piggles
Yup, but by the time I finished my strength training in the free weights area, the BodyCombat class had already started. I did spy two lovely BC instructors in matching army fatigues.. so very the cool.
And will join ya eventually… either a full class of BC or half a class of BA (any more than that would prolly kill me). I’m pausing on BP though, to focus on resistance training outside a class environment. Let’s see if it works.
Jun
Hee, I do too, but it was limited in options and I think I’ve stretched it… However, this layout isn’t permanent either. Consider it a starting point, yes?
And I am a perfectly functional banana, who speaks both Cantonese and Mandarin to bewilder people, and I have friends I can rely on to reproduce Chinese script for me ma…
Eudora
Thankyoudearthankyousimplythankyou!
Ooo pretty new site with RSS feeds and everything (shiny!)
—
Thanks Lemongrass! Got it. Okay Kenny! Am ready for your blogposts now! (also I think the problem isn’t with your site but with Firefox 3… since I got the same probs with other sites.)
Gary
Shiny objects, are nice, aren’t they?
Ted Mahsun
Firefox 3? There’s a Firefox 3 now? Egads… I am so behind time. But methinks I’ll wait for them to work out their bugs first before upgrading. Sounds like it’s still in beta-testing?
Pleasing, subtly romantic look. Your blog, I mean.
Easy on the eyes. Was that what you were aiming for?
So, time and love have come full circle for you, have they? Most young people are impatient for love. Can you imagine my alarm when my twenties and thirties flew past and I was still waltzing with Mr Wrongs? Ha ha. It’s easy to get married, but it’s hard work to keep the marriage growing and kicking.
argussimo
I wanted it to be easy, period.
Seriously though, I needed something I could put up relatively quickly (given how anal I am, even the simplest template design would have been tweaked to death) and still aesthetically pleasing to my eyes.
But feedback from readers have been mixed and interesting. It will help me figure out how I want the final design to be. ZFor now, this is okay for me lah. I’ve given up on being too much of Mr. Perfectionist.
On your second comment, yes… I am beginning to realise that… so easy to want lovelovelove, but when we’ve got it, we don’t know what to do with it. What comes after love and marriage?
Ah, Kenny, Mr Perfectionist Leaves Town?!
OK lah, just relax and do your singular and unique writing.
‘What comes after love and marriage?’ Answer: Death and destruction! Seriously, struggling to stay together, coming up against brick walls, moments of enlightenment and ease, weeks of calm and sweet loving, sudden storms of sulkiness and tears, anger management… you name it, marriage has it. Not a dull moment, you think?
Watching ‘TatOrt’ (German ‘Crime Scene’) together with Other Half has taught me words like murder, perpetrator and kill. Ha ha.
argussimo
You do know “TatOrt” rhymes with “Mort”, which is “Death”, right? Heehee.
But you know what, jokes aside, I guess those are all the things I’ve been pining for, love after first love, love after early love, love beyond the honeymoon, love that is pure tedium and hours of staring into empty space, love that is quiet and silence, love that is shouting and screaming and sulking, love that goes past the word “Love” and settles into something smaller, duller, and by far, much larger than we can imagine now, in our heartbound infancy, and far brighter, a beautiful magic from living each day together, one after the other…
Go past the word ‘Love’ and collect $200. Not!
^_^
More like collect the certificate for shredded soul, cracked head and bruised heart.
argussimo
Shredded soul? Check.
Cracked head? Check.
Bruised heart? Check. Check. Check!
Been there, done that, dear. It can only get better from here on.
“On a more kaypoh note, does this have anything to do with your metaphorical (or perhaps not-so-metaphorical) Ohana-san?”
lol! no lah! i just feel that time yields me and pushes me over the edge sometimes (well, most of the time). hence the hatred.
oh, btw, Ohana-san is a semi-metaphor…hehehe
Nic (KHKL)
Hehe, I do get what you mean. On a more serious note, isn’t this why they say Time is our most precious commodity? Once gone, we can’t ever get it back. Boo hoo.
And I know a thing or two about semi-metaphors myself, hehe… Oh we have so much to talk about when next we meet…
Hi Kenny, first time commenting even though I’ve ’stalked’ your blog for some time now.
Love the way you express yourself through writing… so poignant but yet so effortlessly expressive. And this post really touched a chord in me, because I’m going through a phase of my life where I wonder if I will ever find my other half.
Wish you and your loved one all the best. Cheers.
rinnah
Thanks for commenting, dear… Always nice to have some readers “appear” after a while… Wouldn’t call it “stalking” though, ya.
And I definitely wish you the same in your life, in finding your other half.
prayers and blessings
poetryman69
Thank you… blessings upon you too.
So I was watching my fave tv show online, and had to wait for the episode to load, when suddenly I had this strong urge: Check out that Life For Beginners site… Hopped on over and then changed lines to your new address. Congratulations on the new site! Looks like you’ve got a lot of traffic zooming through here; you must be proud.
The other thing I wanted to comment on besides my random urge to check out your site again (do your words start cravings as ravenous as chocolate ones? uh oh– let’s find out~) was how satisfying it was to read this Breath of Life post. I haven’t read such romantic sentiments without being unwillingly taken into cheesiness territory for quite some time! Thanks for that. And thanks for reminding some of us ladies that there are still sensitive guys out there that will proclaim their love the good ol’ fashioned way: in prose.
kate: “do your words start cravings as ravenous as chocolate ones?”
I’d say at least my words wouldn’t add any calories to anyone’s diet?
And thank you for sharing … I’m glad you enjoyed reading this; it means a lot to me. I wouldn’t say I’m romantic though… these days, I value substance over style.. just sticking with the one you love through the mundane daily routines is more exciting to me than expensive candlelight dinners or lavish surprises. It also lasts longer, I find.
Have a great weekend ahead!
“Life can be a series of bad decisions, each new one adding fresh salt to old wounds, and every turn of the screw compounding the hurt, the shame, the embarrassment we feel we won’t be able to outrun or outlive, even. But we will, we survive, not at the end of it all, but along the way, while we have our breath still in us, while we still have life to live.”
Dear Kenny: I hope you are right. This brought tears to my eyes, by the way, so that’s a tear for your writing. The rest is for me….:-)
Eliza De: We can make it right. Just believe, even during those days when we have no belief left. Sometimes making it simply means going on even when we feel there’s nothing worth going on for. We get far enough, and it makes sense again.
*HUGS*
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