Centuries upon centuries ago, there once were Three Kingdoms ( 三國 ), a time when scholars and soldiers and sovereigns waged war for wealth and power. These days, fresh fights are engaged in new battlegrounds, in new kingdoms…
曹魏 / King Crab
In which Western cutlery is abandoned in favour of a pair of chopsticks; indeed, many pairs of these Oriental rice-rods, as they do battle to seize the choicest of marinated marine morsels.
In which each guest ponders upon the greatest mystery of all: is a certain chirpy, bright-eyed lass wearing a barely-there brassiere — a most negligible négligée — or is she simply going au naturel?
In which no one seems to be able to resist the draw of the silky smooth gula Melaka syrup (some to the extent of licking it off the spoon, or better yet, squeezing the entire bottle straight into a wide, willing mouth) or the intoxicating wine jelly; its wiggly, jiggly appearance belying its nearly pure alcohol content.
In which this honourable scholar has his derrière manhandled and molested, and indeed, pronounced a most firm posterior. (Translation: Nigel and Allan pinched and spanked me backside black-and-blue!)
蜀漢 / Kim Gary
In which the Datin proclaims to be at the venue early, irritably waiting for the rest to turn up, only to sashay in fifteen minutes late. As usual.
In which the Datin finds a new found friend in the Devil Wears Prada, indeed a birthmate (they share the same birthday apparently), and they proceed to wax lyrical over the latest Louis Vuitton collection. (The rest of us are utterly unfashionable and happily clueless.)
In which my Angel decides to be naughty for a change and points out that this long-suffering soldier’s perky pairs were rather, uhm, pointed. (It was cold. My shirt was rather thin. You do the math.)
In which the Datin suggests that someone takes a photo of my erect nipples.
In which I am grateful no one brought a camera.
In which I curse the invention of camera phones.
In which I thank my lucky stars no one has uploaded pictures of my perky pips onto the Internet… no one has, right?
東吳 / Kampachi
In which four of us manly men decide it was time for a night out in town.
In which someone informs us that Pavilion isn’t exactly the most macho of evening avenues.
In which we ignore this.
In which we invade a perfectly decent Japanese eating establishment with our brand of bawdiness and beastly behaviour. (Okay, so it was just me.)
In which half of us frustrate the other half with our penchant for photographing the food the moment it arrives, which would have been okay, if it was meant to be served cold. (Most of the dishes weren’t.)
In which this so-called sovereign of sugar and spice and all things nice infuriates one of his fellow brethren with a homerun of insensitive jokes.
In which he gets his comeuppance when he is coerced cajoled into taking a skin analysis test after dinner, and his face is found to be not dissimilar in texture and moisture level to an orange left in the sun for six months. (Well, I did say I have thick skin, didn’t I?)
In which all’s well that ends well, as our friendly neighbourhood blogger realises whatever kingdom he may venture into, whatever role he may play, he’s very fortunate to be in company of good friends and family.
Photo credits: Nigel A. Skelchy + Kenny M.
49 Comments
Datin’s nick name sounds like a man’s name ga wor. Teckie, first impression, male or female.
Simon Seow
Datin’s nickname? Er, ‘Datin’ is her nickname. Her real name’s Henny and she was variously seen dreaming of dim sum and tasting tau foo far elsewhere on this blog.
As for Teckiee, I tak mention name pun… how you guess? Then you must know she’s all woman lah… How else all the floggers at King Crab end up discussing her bra leh..
Thank heavens you’ve now found cure to your dried up orange peel skin! LOL
Oh plus my half is perfectly trained to not touch any food until the camera is well-fed. Then again, a perfect flogger knows that no hot food should be eaten warm, so we’re quick. You better pick up the skills quick…or your other guests might suffer cold food syndrome. Just a thought, just a thought!
U’ve watched 3 Kingdom? How was it?
A Lil Fat Monkey
Yes, thank heavens for that. A cure, a cure! I’ve found a cure!
‘Perfectly trained’? I must ask your better half then… on how one allows oneself to be trained, and so perfectly at that. Not that I plan to do any training of my own, oh no… Wouldn’t dream of it. Hehe.
I’ve not watched “Three Kingdoms” (the movie)… was referring to the classic novel — “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” — hence introducing each restaurant with one of the Chinese kingdoms.
We can always catch one of these movies one day as a foursome… the more the merrier, eh?
wah, bro…nowadays you very chinese-literature inspired hor? from 执子之手，与子偕老 to Three Kingdoms…what’s next? The Plum in the Golden Vase..hehehe
As far as dominance goes, you have pretty much covered the far eastern kingdoms..e.g. China (King Crab), HK (Kim Gary) and Japan (Kampachi)…what’s next? Korea..hehehe
Nic (KHKL)
Well, I can tell you one thing for sure, if I ever write something inspired by ‘The Plum in the Golden Vase’, it sure ain’t gonna be a food blog. Hehe.
Then again, it’s not like I’ve not written anything naughty before… You just gave me a good idea…
And it’s so cool that you noticed that each restaurant covers a different Oriental kingdom… What’s next? Depends on who is taking me out to dinner and where lor…
This is how it’s like when Food “marries” Literature! More Lit than on the food though ;o)
I like this write up!! Abit of literature history + fun + food!
wmw
Hahaha, more Lit than Food? I think more of my usual nonsense than either the Lit or the Food… Dah ler last year people keep calling me a LitBlogger when I hardly have the time to read books much less blog about them…
daphne
Thanks! It’s a bit about lit history, a bit about food, but ALL ABOUT THE FUNFUNFUN!
You moved!
Chopsticks? I thought in face of King Crab, one should just fall back on au naturel chopsticks - the fingers!!! :O
what were you thinking when you were writing this post? hahah…
definitely not food. LOL..
what’s good food without good company hor? :p
tigerfish
Ah yes. I, for one, definitely made use of my natural chopsticks… all ten of them!
keropokman
I wasn’t thinking of food meh? Then what was I thinking of? Do tell, do tell… Hehe.
sc
Agree completely … and I must confess you guys are the best company ever… “The Family”, friends and floggers! What more could a fler like me ask for?
tell me abt the perks n nips man..hahaha…
lotsofcravings
Egads… I forgot about you and your infamous pointers, Mr. Nipples! Rest assured mine aren’t half as, uhm, prominent? Hahaha… though now I fully understand your plight in public… So shy only… never shall I close my eyes and pick clothes proffered randomly…
kenny,
All good food! King crab…hmm… is it better than snow crab?
Kenny Kenny Kenny…
I’m stuck here in this freezing cold library, hungry and I just had to read your post. Now I’m cold, hungry, and miserable. All thanks to your yummylicious, irresistible photos.
Kok
King Crab is just the name of the restaurant, bro. I can’t remember the species of crab we had — I was just happy the waitress was nearby with her handy mini-machete to hack away at them shells… (Seriously not that difficult; I grabbed hold of one of them crabshell-crackers and it’s amazingly easy to use.)
Snow crab sounds good too. Most food does, to me.
Kookymonsta
A thousand apologies for your current state of famishment. You might wanna try this often-practiced solution called “Eating” — I’ve heard it works.
Hehe. Sorry, couldn’t resist one more bout of sarcasm. But yalor, why are you stuck in that freezing book-atorium? Wear lah jacket tebal sikit (despite the new hole you wrote about) and minum lah Campbell Instant Soup in a Mug (they still have that, right?) — *sings: don’t freeze, be happy*
Aiks! New blog? What about the old one? Still keeping that?
Nastasshea @ Nesh
New blog indeed. No worries about the old blog… the entire thing is archived here. So this be THE place to hang out now…
Hhmphhh.. I could feel my waist expanding, just looking at the pictures.
God, where is my sake for sipping when I am reading this? (and the full moon too!)
gina
Hehe, if your waist is expanding simply from looking at the food, imagine my waist when I actually had to eat all that food!
Henry Yeo
Sake during a full moon? Be wary, my friend, the temptress moon, er, tempts easily…
aiyo, kenny, must be so explicit ah? LOL..
err, are you going to point kennymah.net here as well? so when i type it, i dun need to get redirected 2 times. waste time.
masa adalah aurum. that was what was on the wall in my makmal kimia long long ago…
keropokman
Hehe, well, you don’t have to be that explicit… But then I wouldn’t know what you mean wor…
Thanks for reminding me about kennymah.net — time to update to redirect here as well. But why don’t you just bookmark http://lifeforbeginners.com/ directly?
And time is gold, indeed… Chemists can be so the clever sometimes hor?
Oh my you not only have fabulous photos but kickass wit to boot!
A late discovery but better than never. Adding you to my blogroll and RSS Feed!
wahlau… this is really turning into a mini-flog!
hahah, all i can say is, cameraphones can either be really handy or a real pain in the you-know-where depending on who’s the victim. heeheehee ^_^
my bookmarks are squeaky clean!
each of my machines have 3 different types of browsers. i use 3 diff machines at diff times of the day. think of the combi. susah payah to update all.
i just remember the shortest URL.
i know i know…. my url is a mouthfull. thats why i have a short one. LOL.
Camemberu
Thanks for dropping by! Only half of the photos were taken by me though… the batch from King Crab were taken by good ol’ Nigel.
I do make it a point to credit photographs taken by others, but do point out any that I may have missed, guys!
Zaty
No lah, mana ade mini-flog? But them floggers did make a good point on how food is a bit part of Life, which is what I blog about, so… Food is definitely on my blogging menu now!
(That and I’ve been eating more and more… my expanding waistline will amply demonstrate this!)
As for cameraphones… yes, the horror! I’m always getting bullied by camwhoring friends, I tell you…
keropokman
Wah, why so many machines and combinations? But come to think of it, I do have access to three different machines too, daily.
But I make sure I’ve installed Firefox in all of them, and instead of keeping bookmarks, I read all the blogs on Google Reader so I don’t have to update the bookmarks separately on different machines.
*wonders if the bra would for a nice price on ebay* haha
“plum in the golden vase”??? lol. i’d love to see u wax lyrical on THAT. *grin*
teckiee
Oh I’m sure the bra will fetch more than just a nice price on eBay… perhaps even fetch a suitor or a dozen, yes?
Jun
Hehe, is that a challenge, my dear? Cos we all know how much I love a challenge… *sniggers*
I like the chopstick pictures - the calamaris look like punctured c*nd*ms, leh - and that of your cute friend earnestly photographing his dessert or something. (* In case this blog is PG-13 — nah! what was I thinking — it’s h*rny Kenny after all.)
argussimo
Me wonders why you’ve replaced some of you ‘O’-s with ‘*’-s but I’ve learned never to question a lady’s motives…
As for what my “cute friend” (A Lil Fat Monkey’s gonna love ya for saying that) is photographing, well, I guess we’ll have to ask him that…
Wow, I am impress with your writing…once again! ^_~
No worry, your “perky pips” will only stay in my photo library. However, if one day I am desperate for money…I might consider to auction the photo here.
A note to all the potential buyer, if you interested…do let me know. ^_~
imeau
Haiyo… why does everyone blackmail me leh… even my darling Angel… This plus Teckiee’s bra, goodness gracious my blog’s turning into an auction site!
What an excellently done sensual post note on restaurants and fine cuisine but really on inner tastes and visual impressions & not food !
Reminds us of the goings on before and after eating , something which the durings oftentimes fail to deliver !
A quintessential French romantic dining secret, now unlocked by the 3 Kingdoms
eyy .. u got a new home but never tell me wannn .. :p
team bsg
Hahaha, I never said I was a food blogger ma… the food pics and mentions are bonuses, not the main dish? Hehe, I wonder what going ons after eating you are referring to…
cibol
Haiya, I figured you can tell by the forwarding post on the old blog ma… Thanks for dropping by, bro!
Methinks the ‘St*ry of *’ used up all the *s. *r there’s s*mething wr*ng with my lapt*p keyb*ard t*day. *r maybe it’s Lem*nG’s “gee, here’s a sp*t of spilt milktea” effect.
Well, t** bad y*ur Lil friend is half my age, heh heh. (G*ing *ff to find m*re n*rmal *s in the cl*set.)
argussimo
Hehe, didn’t St. Limaurumput had such an effect on ya. Or, at least, her “spilt milk tea” anyway.
As for my “lil friend”, I dunno… he might be into more mature and worldly-wise partners?
*looks at his current partner, McCutie*
Then again, probably not.
those foods are yummy la..
Going Oriental in 3 lovely kingdoms? Nice !
Just looking at the pictures makes me feeling hungry!
Btw, I think you should start your own food blog too.
Heehehe :p
equilibrium2008
Oh, trust me, them dishes were more than yummy… They brought tears to some of the diners, they did…
Eudora
Another hungry reader? Maybe I should put a pause on all these posts on food… and I doubt I’ll start another blog… you can find everything about Life here… including lip-smacking dishes!
i am a fan of three kingdom! and what a great way to potray it here
rokh: Glad to know you’re a fan… I wonder what other books I shall parody here in my blog next…
Haven’t been cruising blogosphere as of late…well, you know why. I love your new design, so clean and minimalist. I love it.
You know Mandarin? I didn’t know that.
Rasa Malaysia: Yup. You’re not the first one to be surprised that I speak Mandarin. I don’t read/write Chinese though. The nifty characters here of the three kingdoms are courtesy of my madcap Wiki-ing skills.
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