You’ve been invited. To an exclusive soirée. Behave.
We know how it will all end, of course. Everything falls apart, it’s the thing these days. So I begin to gently decline when she informs me it wasn’t a request. You’ve been invited. You will come.
And in the pause, in the alarming silence, there hangs a subtle “Or else…”
Or else what? We’d never know, these aren’t questions we ask. No, we just don’t ask questions.
And so I go. I even reach the restaurant on time. Some fancy all-the-cuisines-from-around-the-world buffet is in full swing. No fancy folks though, just families with querulous kids. Everything’s a mystery, everything’s exciting, even day-old sashimi. Not that they served that, no.
I was the only one at our table, naturally. I’ve always missed out on the concept of being fashionably late. Once you’ve allowed German punctuality into your system, it’s an abominable trait to try and be rid of. Still, it meant I didn’t miss the Middle-Eastern belly dancer sashaying out of the kitchen.
(Later, I’ll find out she’ll spring herself upon diners every hour upon the hour so my fellow dinner guests did not in fact miss her act, or what tried to pass off as one. The ladies at the table were rather merciless in their dismissal of the dancer of having neither the bosom nor the bottom required of this ravishing role.)
They arrived eventually, one charming couple after another. Different ages, different centuries even, maybe. She wasn’t joking. I was supposed to be young blood. Am I to be a last resort infusion to inject some life into this reclusive menagerie?
Then the star of the night arrived, the Lady of Fine Wine (as in aged well, ahem). I was to be her escort for the evening, her “poodle” as I had been informed to my indignation. Heck, if I played my cards right, I might land me a sugar mommy by the end the night.
Sweet.
Didn’t help much though, that I laughed heartily (perhaps too much so) at the jokes the gentlemen at the table cracked at her expense. Perhaps it’s true that hearing loss is a necessary item in one’s application for senior citizenship? To my dismay, I saw my reputation for chivalry being torn to shreds with every unfortunate guffaw on my part.
(But I couldn’t help myself. They. Were. So. Funny.)
Still, you know it’s time to leave when the waiters refuse to refill your Bottomless Wine Goblet. Apparently the restaurant has this habit of closing up every night. Fear not, beloved readers, we had cards still up our sleeves. The same five-star hotel in which this no-run-of-the-mill restaurant resided also housed a dance club, the name of which the Lady of Fine Wine promptly misheard as “Piles” and consequently questioned if it were for runaways from old folks homes only.
As we transfered our full bellies and heavy derrières from The Mill to Pulse, we were confronted by a sign that warned us not to conceal any bodyguards we may possess. (Do they come in handy pocket-sized packs these days? Wow.) The fact the sign was accompanied by a burly and finely-dressed bouncer convinced us that they were serious and probably wouldn’t take too kindly to our hearing-impairment humour.
We knew people who knew people, though. We got in.
(That’s the way the world works, kids. Don’t let anyone tell you no different.)
I must mention at this point that I had not one sip of alcohol in me all night, and despite the bottle of whiskey they had ready at the club, I stuck to sips of soft drinks. Which makes it odd that I was the first on the dance floor. Wasn’t booze supposed to give you courage? (Well, more of it certainly doesn’t hurt.)
It was Retro Night. Songs from the 80’s. (When did the 80’s become retro?) I’d feel old except I was the youngest person there. I hadn’t danced in aeons, really, but it all comes back. Like riding a bicycle or shagging a moose. (Did I say shagging? I meant skinning, I did.) Whether it was the Hot Hoochie Mama (Formerly Known as the Lady of Fine Wine) or being sandwiched in between a husband-and-wife-team who seemed rather happy humping my front-and-rear, it was to remember.
What it felt like. Dancing. So free. Wild abandon. Not a worry in the world.
Almost one a.m. I send you a text message. I say my goodbyes to the reluctant gang, now convinced I’m some kind of elixir for the elderly, and I exit the dance club, sparing Mr. Bouncer a friendly wink on the way out. The air outside is stunning. Nothing like leftover carbon monoxide from all the city’s cars to remind one what it feels like to be alive.
You drive the car over to the curb. I hop in. You smell like fresh rain and I can’t help but give you a smile that explodes. You ask me how the night was.
“Pretty good,” I say, “but not as good as with you. Take us home, baby.”
And so you did.
.
Credits: Photograph by FatBoyBakes @ The Mill, Grand Millenium KL. Design by Kenny Mah.
65 Comments
Awww, look who’s sweet here. And so you must join a bloggers’ dinner when I’m in KL soon — please ask Lyrical Lovely and FBB.
they drank from your goblet of eternal youth.. did they drain up your elixir of life ?! nice shot by FBB rite… few men can carry off pink (it is pink isn’t it..) lucky u
It is like the middle management going to the senior management function. The Gen-X going to the Baby Boomers party. Look at the potential.
Oooh, Kenny’s got grooves….next time ;o)
aiyoh, the last line is abit cliche rite? esp if u were smelling of good food and good alcohol and maybe a whiff of perfume here n there..
*sigh* I missed the party
But I would have tripped over myself on the dance floor for i have two left feet 
GUFFAW, what a hilarious post. you did well, young poodle. if she had any sugar to give, she WOULD be your sugar mommy!!!! snigger. in my defence, i’m usually punctual, but it took me 30 minutes just to crawl down that short stretch from pavilion to millennium. sheesh.
wow! we wish there were snpshots of that nite! so cool!
The way you end your writings are always the most beautiful.
Enjoyed yourself much?
why u nvr bring ur baby there? aiyo…
somehow this entry of yours has hints of “Casanova” written all over it
and it didnt sound like you didnt have a single drop of alcohol in you the whole nite *wink*
Aiyo… so many comments, so little time. Just got back from workshop fixing not one BUT two cars. Maybe our cars are in love also, both also decide to slap me with a hefty repair bill at the same time…
Now have to head out again, despite being out all day. Will reply all comments when I’m back. Promise!
My God, Kenny, you lied to your BABY!
Got proof all over FBB’s blog somemore…!! *evil grin* (Make sure Baby doesn’t read FBB’s blog)
full stomach, No alcohol, on the dance floor. You should have asked them for a slow number to woo your sugar mommy.
» argussimo
Yes, the Lovely Lyrical and the Fabulous FBB’s dinner for the Amazing Argussimo. You can reassured that the Kinesthetic and Kid-like Kenny will be attending, with his Bodacious Baby if nothing impedes.
Or in short, OK.
» cumi&ciki
Well, you know what they say about us youthful boys, our elixirs of life are ever replenished… just giveus a minute or two to recharge. Ahem.
As for the shirt, two of the ladies were arguing whether it was pink or peach. I thought it was salmon, but then maybe I had too much sashimi by that point.
» Chin
Me, Gen-X? More like Gen-Almost-On-The-Way-Out. These days, you’re outdated if you’re no longer in your teens, and even that’s early teens. Sheesh kapeesh.
» wmw
We groove sama-sama lain kali, okeys?
» lotsofcravings
If that last line is a cliché, then my whole life is a cliché and a damn good one too. Don’t knock it unless you have it, hehe.
» unkaleong
Dance with me and I’ll provide you with the two right feet to match!
» fatboybakes
To be fair, it was a crawl from nearly all directions. Not everyone has a broom handy.
» Big Boys Oven
Oh but there are. Plenty of FBB’s Facebook albums and a few more (rather incriminating ones, one might argue) here: Aging Gracefully at The Mill.
was it really retro night? i barely recognised any of the songs…oh dear me, maybe for me, retro means 70s music …
whats Lemongrass talking about lying to your baby? I dun geddit.
wah, unkaleong, with a proposition laidat, you cant possibly say no.
bodacious baby? gosh, i really need to get a dictionary.
» Michelle
To be honest, I had the time of my life that night and it all the better cos I wasn’t expecting it. I tend to be more of a homebody these days anyway rather than the social flea of the yesteryears but it’s always nice to come out once in awhile and smell the freshly minted rose-flavoured baklavas.
Or something liddat.
Also, glad someone doesn’t mind clichéd endings… Ahem.
» Jun
Wanted to but I was a first-time guest. Maybe the next time it’d be one plus one? Got to ask the Lady of the Wine (also known as the Hot Hoochie Mama, especially in the vicinity of dance floors and hot, sweaty studs).
P.S. Hot Sweaty Studs (H.S.S.) © Lyrical Lemongrass.
» lingzie
Mana ade Casanova? More like poor wee victimized young fler, all innocent and such. And non-recycled, thank you very much (see LL via FBB to get this inside joke).
And nope, I nary a drop of alcohol in me. I tend to shut up and clamp down when I drink. Don’t laugh, it’s true. Buy me a case of beer and see for yourself. Make it imported German, please. And by imported German I mean Bavarian, preferably Paulaner.
» Lyrical Lemongrass
I so did not lie. Fun is relative. And different with different folks, and certainly with different strokes.
And we read FBB’s blog together. So shocking. Who dat fine, cwazy guy on da dancefloor, yo?
» Henry Yeo
Oh but I never woo no one. Not on the dance floor. The trick is getting them to come to you. And come on to you…
» fatboybakes
Ya, it was. The Fine Lady of Wine and I counted down the songs. There was one by Culture Club too. Can’t remember if it was “Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me?” or “Karma Chameleon” though.
And ignore Lemongrass. Almost 40-year olds tend not to make much sense on account of their impending oldness.
When’s your birthday, sir? Maybe I can get you one…
C’mon babee, let’s do the texas two-step…Hahaha….
FBB: You are not that old lah…am thinking ABBAesque?
» unkaleong
Oh with me, even the Texan two-step can end up lookin’ and feelin’ purty dirty…
Also: FBB + ABBA = The Dancing Queen? Err…
put a few words on that pic (plus your name) and you’ll have your first album cover. so professionally done, me thinks.
looks like i missed a fantastic party, eh? poodles are a rare breed, hor? should we form a committee to protect the welfare of our existence? or rarity? hahaha!
» Nic (KHKL)
First album cover? Uhm, have you heard me (attempt to) sing? The results are usually cataclysmic. And not in a good way.
Maybe we should join the Poodle Protection Program? (PPP — cos that’s what petrified poodles do: piddle and pee, pee, pee…)
Heh.
we thought you were popped the Big Question by long suffering her and you became flabbergasted , flattered and so on and etc etc and then shy but
she din know of coz that
you are still unletting-go & reminising and missing that
…”her.”..
“Take us home, baby” almost has a “Beam me up, Scotty” feel.
When I turn forty, I want rottweilers.
..glad someone doesn’t mind clichéd endings
Well, if something works, why not, right?
But then again, I’ve just been told that I’m too “conventional” in my designs for uni (architecture, in case you’ve forgotten). So of course I don’t mind “clichéd” endings. In fact, I revel in them!
Looks like you have a wonderful night that day.
Retro night huh?
*imagine someone’s doing his thing on the dance floor*
Ooh, groovy, groovy! Heehe ;p
looks like you had good fun there eh? looking at that pic, were they teasing you? you looks sorta shy ler…:)
paulaner…noted! but i wouldnt buy you one if i did meet you. dont want you to clam up and shut down mah… otherwise i’d end up talking to myself only… lol
» backStreetGluttons
Uhm… no?
» Lyrical Lemongrass
Ah, you caught that! Wunderbar! Yeah, there’s something about us returning home that has an intergalactic travel feel to it. Take it slow, my dear, as the planets revolve. Turn my tides like the moon…
Heh.
Rottweilers? I’m not even sure you can handle them poodles.
» Michelle
And revel in clichéd endings we shall! Conventional is only bad if you don’t do it well, right?
» Eudora
*wonders what his thing on the dance floor might be*
» sc
Yalor. I very the shy and the innocent one. *flutters eyelids softly*
» lingzie
Trust me. You won’t be talking just to yourself. If you get me drunk, I might clam up but my evil twin will appear to entertain you…
“Conventional is only bad if you don’t do it well, right?”
Now you sound like one of my tutors, who was trying to cheer me up when I said that someone told me I was too “conventional”. My tutor’s like 60+. The age gap really shows huh?
LOL
» Michelle
Egads! Are you saying I sound like I’m 60 plus?
Well, it could be that you rubbed off some Fine Wine from your lady friend. LOL.
But as you suggested that perhaps hearing loss is necessary to qualify as senior citizen, then may I add that memory loss is another necessity.
You’ll forget I ever said any of this soon enough Kenny. No worries.
» Michelle
Ouchies! Touché, Mademoiselle Michelle!
Nice shot…you looks good in the photo.
Wonder… when is the last time I met you? July?
Why felt so long…^_~ miss your laughter maybe…
Oh.. now we know Kenny’s age. 60!
The photo on this post, was it taken 20 or 30 years ago? LOL
» imeau
I laugh like a hyena… I can’t imagine why anyone would miss my laughter.
» keropokman
You know what? They probably infected me with their senior citizenry, sucked all the youth from my marrow… I’m a living Picture of Dorian Gray…
Heard that plastic surgery is popular now. Hmm…..
Senior citizenry? Cis bedebah. The average age was only 6 years more than your age. And you weren’t the youngest there oso.
*throwing calculator at Kenny* (Thank God for accountants. 
)
LOL. what an outing with the privileged (aged) ones.
and being humped front and back makes it all better, huh? =P
» keropokman
I’d go for the liposuction option first. Remove these blasted love handles I will. Grrr…
» Lyrical Lemongrass
Was that a typo? Don’t you mean the average age was 16 years more than mine? Hur hur.
» J2Kfm
Well, it beats getting humped sideways…
I like this picture of you. Playing peekaboo?
» gina
Peekaboo? Nah… more like, “What on earth was I thinking?”
16 yrs? That would make you 43.
» Lyrical Lemongrass
Err, so you guys punya average is 16 + 43 = 59 ah? Wowsers…
Hi Kenny,
Woo..what a savvy looking blog you’ve got here. Still have not much clue how does it work..he he.
Just dropped by to say Hello. Hugs.
» rubyahmad
Kak Ruby! It’s been quite some time since you dropped by here! Yes, blog has a new look but you just have to click on any of the pictures on the front page to read the post. Easy peasy.
*hugs back*
I see I’ve done humanity some good by revealing your “true” age. LOL
» Michelle
A message from and paid for by the good people of Hope For Humanity (HRH):
Thank you.
what was THAT? fbb+abba = dancing queen? no no no, fbb+abba = SOS.
» fatboybakes
I totally forgot about that song of theirs! I bow to you, Master of Acronyms!
err, remove love handles? then will you still be lovely?
oh, u are in JB singing lagu lagu patriotik singapura?
the fireworks were lovely viewing from the hotel, but Beijing’s so much better!
» keropokman
Eh. Trust me, I’d be much lovelier sans love handles. Tummy fats, begone!
Yeah, in JB now. Supposed to head to the Lion City for dinner but then it was pouring cats and dogs earlier so that plan was scrapped. Gives me time to change the title of this post to something I can stomach and add one extra line to the piece. Try and see if you can tell where I inserted it.
(The new title comes from the song by Joseph Arthur of the same name. Loves it.)
Errr, entah lah. Not very the good in the spot the diff games.
The rain stopped. I think we could see certain parts of Singapore raining, but not the rest. Maybe it was north that was raining. We took photos of it.
People are playing board games, and I am a little bored. LOL
» keropokman
Hahaha, fair enough. Here’s a hint: it’s near the ending.
The rain has given up the ghost here too, across the Causeway. My friends are playing mahjong behind me while I attempt to write the next post, tentatively titled “All the Colours of the Rainbow.” Perhaps that’s rather apt, given that’s what we get after the storm has stopped.
Glad to discover your site.
» My Wok Life
Thanks for dropping by!
You’re having fun la… And but I wonder which home you went into.. ahaha.. Just kidding
» equilibrium2008
Which home I went into? Mine, I hope… though one can never be sure, at the end of a Saturday nite…
tis salmon pink.. and u luks hamsums.. harhar
» cumi&ciki
I where got hamsums! Where got! I resemble, er, resent that statement!
wow…this is nice…
and i love your blog as well
» hm
Thanks! Appreciate you dropping by and leaving a comment.
“Lady of Fine Wine” — HAHAH! XD nice, kenny~
and gotta love the photo, that’s an awesome shot of you! very no-holding-back and happy.
» Zaty
Nothing held back — oh how rarely do we get to feel this way, eh?
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