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There’s a Chinese legend suggesting that the cat was originally supposed to be in the Animal Zodiac. However, it was tricked by its friend the rat, which eventually took first place in the celestial race instead. I don’t believe this story. Cats are entirely too clever to be blindsided like that (though rats can be incredibly resourceful, so who knows). They are also entirely too smug for their own good and always look like they know something we don’t.I don’t trust cats.

In fact, I’ve never really liked cats since a little incident in my youth. (PETA would have been after my fur if they weren’t so busy protesting naked elsewhere at that time, but I’m getting ahead of myself here.) I was thirteen and had just come out of the shower at a leadership camp. (Yes, I know it’s sad that I went to a leadership camp when I could have been doing other fun stuff at the age of thirteen, but isn’t it more pathetic that they had leadership camps for thirteen year olds in the first place? At least they practiced good hygiene. We had lots of showers.) So, as I was walking out, towelling my hair dry, another boy somehow decided that it would be really funny to throw a black cat at me.

The other thing you have to know about the thirteen year old me, besides my showering excessively at the leadership camp, is that I was convinced of my allergy to cat fur. (Don’t ask me why, thirteen was the age when I was convinced of a lot of things. A year later I was introduced to the word cynicism and my life was naturally changed for the better.)

What would a half-naked, cat-allergic kid do when faced with a ball of screeching, scratching black fur? Naturally, I threw it back. Unfortunately, due to my temporary vision impairment on account of the massive towel on my head, my sense of direction was less than accurate. (Some of the other boys, having seen me excel in sports, attributed this to my god-given gift of eye-motor discordance. The rest simply implied my vengeful aim was intentional. How mean.)

Yes, well. The cat hit a wall instead.

Thankfully, the black cat survived. Cats do bounce off walls, you know. Don’t ask me why they do that; I’m just grateful this one did. In fact, it didn’t so much as spit at us as it ran away expeditiously, before another member of our group decided on a game of Pass the Furball. I told myself cats had nine lives, eight in the case of this black cat, and that this was probably a useful life lesson for it to avoid thirteen year old boys in the future. Or at least those with towels on their heads and who think they are allergic to cats.

Whenever I tell this story to my friends who are cat lovers, they always get this look on their face like I’m the Antichrist or at least someone who should be attacked by a group of naked PETA protesters. It disappoints me that no one has yet viewed me as the victim in this little incident. Therefore I tend not to divulge this to my friends, most of whom, sadly, are cat lovers.

The problem is, cats seem to like me anyhow, despite my distrust and disgust with their lot. Wherever I go, there’s bound to be one stalking me. Fat cats, scrawny slinkers, tabbies, the whole spectrum of felinedom. All except black cats. Whenever they see me, they just run away.

They know I’m bad luck.

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Addendum: Robert Morgan appears to agree with me on this subject, or that’s the way I’m choosing to perceive his The Cat With Hands anyhow. You can download this short film here.

Most so-called horror films these days tend to not so much scare me as disgust me. All those faces being sliced in half and sliding off slowly, dramatically. Eventually even the gore becomes ridiculous; you have to laugh though it’s hardly amusing. Robert Morgan’s short film is none of that. Despite telling myself the plot was pretty much predictable, I have to admit it’s not the tale but telling that mattered here. So much gorgeous and ferocious delight.

That and I’ve yet to summon enough courage to watch it again. Will someone hold my hand?

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Current Mood: Creeped out.
Current Music:

• Built to Spill – Strange
• Idlewild – Actually It’s Darkness
• Collective Soul – Run