You can never really get what you want.

I feel restless. Staying put in one place is dreary, whether you’re in Munich or in Malacca. I really miss being on the road. I admire these people who can be moving from country to country for two whole years, just eking out a living and a lifestyle wherever they end up.

I am envious. But sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. This time it ain’t for my family or friends or society. Just for me. For what I want.

I feel restless. Staying in a warm clime can do that to you. You don’t want to stay in, but you don’t wanna go out either. It’s too hot during the day for simply walking around. I miss huge freakin’ parks in the city. I miss autumn.

But I’m grateful for the fact I get to play Uno with my nephew and nieces who adore me (but not as much as I adore them). I’m grateful for the fact my Dad and I can talk things through like adults now, both of us less fiery than we used to be. I’m grateful for me Mom’s cooking, surely a bonus when I’m seeking lard gains.

I’m restless. Everything seems to be a compromise. You get this, you don’t get that. Life seems to be a long road of trying to balance the two (or, for the greedier of us, an eternal attempt to get it all).

You can never really get what you want.

But maybe that’s a good thing. Keeps you on your toes. Goodness forbid we’re ever completely content. (What is left to live for then?)

And I do feel happy now, so maybe that’s enough.

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Copyright © 2002 Kenny Mah Ying Fye.