It’s odd that, for once, I’ve not been blogging lately not because I’ve been hiding out in a hole somewhere being miserable, but just being plain busy. It’s a nice change.

Of course, I’ve been spending time with human beings as well, if you can count Man and Monkey as such. Silly, important things like walking through nearly the entire stretch of the Englischer Gartens with J-Dawg or simply talking about the future (and how, while we can never predict, it helps just to talk) with Manuel.

This morning was spent sunbathing on my windowsill, trying to write, but mostly just thinking about how far away most people are these days, and soon, how they will be farther still. Daydreams of my family: the way my sister will tell me everything about her day, the fact my Mom and Dad goes out every night on the motorbike instead of the car so they could be closer to each other, and those little monsters of my nephew and nieces.

Friends: new and old, all very important to me. I remember Useless McGyver, the night of his and Dona’s farewell party, wrapped in a group hug with Maria, Tolis and I, telling me what a sensitive person I was. I guess I am. I used to take offence at that. I mean, sensitive guys were either gay or geeks, right? Now, I know it doesn’t matter.

You have to be yourself. I have to be myself.

A strange thought occurred to me in a dream last night. Cualdo has mentioned, many times, how I rape websites, stealing all the content, articles and art, for my private perusal. Well, isn’t that the same for me, being raped, all my daily doings spewed forth in this website for public consumption?

What is left for me, I wonder?

I have not kept a paper journal for a very long time now; this journal takes up so much of me. But sometimes, just sometimes, when you, yes, you readers, tell me how you appreciate me doing this odd service, that makes all the difference. It means everything.

This is me, but it’s not just me. It’s you too. This is our time together, and I cherish what grains are left.

One day, we’ll all be far away. But hopefully this little thing will make sure we’ll never be apart.

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Copyright © 2002 Kenny Mah Ying Fye.