.

“You can see now why I had to leave him.”

I nod, trying not to stare at how red her face is becoming. She’s not even halfway through her first glass of wine. I smile. I can like anyone who turns crimson faster than me.

“I’m getting red, aren’t I? Yes, yes I am. I swear it’s just the wine, I’m not even tipsy yet. I don’t get this problem wth hard liqour. No. I can down shots of vodka neat without… This is why I don’t drink wine.”

Again, I nod. Her ex-husband probably didn’t get red after one glass of wine. I suspect he doesn’t even drink. The way she described him, he is likely the good, loving son and faithful churchgoer. Pillar of society. With a curfew. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just not the type of person she is. What the hell was she thinking when she married him, that being absolute opposites was romantic? That they would complement each other? She will never again, she assures me, let herself be tied down by another person.

She’s, what, five years older than me? Not that much older. In another lifetime, she’d be my soulmate. Now, that’s the wine talking. This is what, only my third glass? I’m not that much better myself. The truth is, in other lifetime, she’d be me.

Ranting to strangers about how brave we were, escaping the clutches of mundane domesticity. How we did the right thing, no matter how much it hurt. (We don’t mention who is hurt; it is implicit that it could only be us, who else?) I realise, for the first time, that breaking up doesn’t mean freedom. Not if you’ve spent the months after going around, meeting up with friends you’ve not seen in ages, telling them how much better off you are. Not if you can’t recognise that you’re in a cage still.

“Well, enough about me. Tell me about your ex.”

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Current Mood: Sober.
Current Music:

• Lucinda Williams – Drunken Angel
• Lou Reed – Magic and Loss
• Tom Waits – Alice

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Copyright © 2003 Kenny Mah Ying Fye. Image: Wong Kar-wai’s In the Mood for Love.