Re: Saturday.
Some days just begin halfway and then not quite.

Today began sometime around noon when Matthias, Tobias and I drove to Stusta and got stuck in traffic. I do miss my car and driving after half an hour of not moving, I can say with pretty much certainty that I do NOT miss the traffic jams.

But, we did get there eventually, and the Bavarian cousins quickly got busy downloading stuff from the network. Today’s gracious host was Manuel. I set about making a quick lunch of egg soup noodles for the kids (inc. J-Dawg, Shannon and Marco) and all were amazed it did not take four hours this time. Nice.

(Must mention the snack Marco brought, bear-shaped potato fluff-chips by the brand name of Pum-bar or something, which were supposedly good. A nanosec after biting down on one, I went, “Oh shit! This is good!” To which Marco replied, “That’s what I said my first time too.”)

Despite all the entertainment of seeing Matthias and Tobias burning CD’s at a rate that would choke any respectable software pirate, we soon became bored. J-Dawg suggested playing frisbee at Englischer Garten, and away we went.

We met many dogs in the woods, to the delight of Shannon. A trio of furry ones decided to go dipping in the stream but when it was time to get out, the smallest one couldn’t quite manage that. It was yelping and whining, but its owner was nowhere to be seen. J-Dawg ran back, crossed a bridge and helped it out. It then ran back to its owner, who apparently was around but didn’t do anything to help her own dog or even say thanks. Bitch.

Shannon said people like that shouldn’t be allowed to keep animals, and I agree completely.

Well, we had fun with the frisbee till Marco called us, and we headed to Giselastrasse to met the rest of the gang. We ended up getting ice-cream (perfect in spring, and, as Shannon pointed out, they don’t melt the way they do in summer) and hanging out in a Biergarten.

This was when we did a Most Wonderful and Amazing (Not to Mention Criminal) Thing. With the help of Hadi’s bicycle and apartment and Mike Stone’s capacious bag, we “borrowed” a total of 17 beer Maß ‘s and 3 Weißbier glasses. We were very much the Merry Men in some Happy Forest.

Later that evening, we ended up in a Bierkeller, which shall not be named, just like the Biergarten above, for reasons that will soon be made abundantly clear. I was rather bored, and what with Mike making coaster pyramids and the rest playing flip-and-catch with coasters as well, I felt I needed to do something.

This was when I did a Most Ridiculous and Crazy (Not to Mention Stupid) Thing. I somehow decided plunging a knife into a stack of coasters was as good a recreational activity as any, especially after seeing Hadi trying out.

Hadi got two, then three coasters per jab. J-Dawg too. I took the knife and rammed the bugger in. Got four. They stared at me in disbelief. Hadi tried again. Three. My turn. Five.

J-Dawg wondered if it wasn’t because I held the coasters down with my free hand. (Something they did not attempt for some obscure explanation about missing and chopping off some digits instead. Utter rubbish.) He went that way and got three still. I tried without holding the coasters down. Stab! Six.

I shrugged it off as pent-up rage. Hadi took one look at me and grabbed the knife. Stab! Six. Damn. Fuck that theory. Now I was really pissed. Such a sore loser, me.

However, Shannon, who has heard about Marco and Hadi’s homicidal tendencies towards my directions earlier, was now less convinced due to my recent display of violence and confiscated the offending instrument.

It took a lot of begging before she would surrender the thing to me again, not without condtions. My last chance. And I promised. And we all know my promises are more binding than a straitjacket. So. I went again. Stab! Six. Ga.

I suddenly have a lot of sympathy addicts of any kind. For the rest of the night, I looked pleadingly at Shannon to take back her promise. I was convinced I could get seven. Please? Pweety pwease? Finally she relented and I took a deep breath for my last attempt at a world record. Stab! Ker-rack!

The knife broke into two.

That was when we decided it would be a good idea to leave the establishment, and we did exactly that, promptly.

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Copyright © 2002 Kenny Mah Ying Fye.