I’ve survived.

I knew this when I got out of bed for the last time today at half past six. PM. Earlier in the AM, when I first left my bedcovers at four, then almost five times more after a series of nightmares and heavy breaths, life was intolerable. Finally at ten in the morning I left for the university. But then the afternoon naps followed, and I awoke once at 5.20 and now simply this.

This makes no sense whatsoever, but trust me I’ve survived.

It’s like that scene in LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring where the Elvish Queen, after passing the test of the ring’s temptation, mutters that she will now diminish and remain Galadriel. But I will not diminish. I know I will grow and flourish, but yet still remain me.

Kenny.

There is pride here, something strangely genuine for once. A certainty in my success, whatever that is. I will live, after all, for there is Life. I know this is true for there is no giddiness, merely a quiet joy, here.

I’ve survived.

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Copyright © 2002 Kenny Mah Ying Fye.