.
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It slips away, it does. Without you knowing. Or maybe with you knowing but also wilfully ignoring your choices, your ability to take action, to change things, to make it better for yourself. And so. It slips away. Time, opportunities, life, love, time. I’ve mentioned time already, haven’t I? I guess this is just me repeating myself, really.
They don’t ever tell you to give up. Some days I wonder if they just forgot that entire chapter in the manual. “Life for Beginners, Chapter 13: How to Give Up.”
The hour calls to me. It’s almost here, it’s almost over.
The Surface of the Sun. I’m listening to this song from the soundtrack of “Sunshine” and I think of what is bright and what is beautiful and how we can lose all that in a heartbeat. We are all collapsing.
I have run out of love songs. I may never write anymore. I shan’t, why should I, really? There, I’ve decided. No more love songs. No more stories. No more make-them-up-as-we-go-along. I shall be pleasant and predictable. I shall be mild and mild-mannered. I shall not wonder, I shall not wish for more, I shall not ponder nor shall I keep wandering through open doors. I will sit put at my desk in my room and I will stay here, good as good, proud as day.
You held up your end of the bargain.
Now I must too.
And yet. And yet. The small things. The details. The pieces of our puzzle that excite, that ignite us. I remember when I still exercised regularly, my body balancing and twisting and finding some semblance of equilibrium. I remember not travelling outstation all the time and having dinners and coffee with my friends, weeknights and weekends, magical time spent together, all the conversations we had. I remember reading books everyday and writing, letting the words pour out of me, good and bad, but loving all of them all the same. These are my words; this is me. Small, small things. But.
Small things matter, remember? Some times, they are all we need to remind us of the bigger picture.
Now, the trick is to remember these great moments. If ever them tough days come (and assure you me, they will always come), we just have to ride through them and remember that the whole is greater than the parts, yes? The whole is always greater than the parts. The trick is to remember, and never give up until the hour of revelation.
It takes time, it does. And you realise that you understand the ones you love, the ones who surround you, better and better as time goes. And it becomes easier to accept them. Maybe cos they become more accepting of us too, maybe cos we’re finally becoming nicer people. Maybe cos we are becoming more accepting of ourselves. Either way, when that happens, it’s a revelation.
That’s it, isn’t it? A relationship is a series of revelations building up over time… A musical made up of a hundred different, beautiful songs.
And I can just imagine my best friends and my other half poking fun at me for that last sentence. It’s so mushy, so emo, so… Kenny. And that’s me. That’s who I am. I may not have gotten everything I ever wanted (who does, really?) but at least I’ve made peace with that. With who I am.
My life is one revelation after another. And just when I feel like things are going nowhere, that every day is stagnating, that all this work and craft is useless, that love, that art is yet another escape, I find that life isn’t a delusion. This is real. This is an adventure. Our lives are adventures, one after another.
And damn if I ain’t gonna jump right back in!
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Copyright © 2009 Kenny Mah Ying Fye. Photograph by Steve Steve.
09.09.09. Eight years of blogging. Not stopping yet, not now.
Kenny Mah believes in the good in people. He has been blogging for over ten years. No, his hands aren't tired. Yet.
Happy 090909! Cheers to 8 years of blogging, and many more to come my friend :)
Haha, thanks mate. I’m certainly slowing down in my blogging, as you mentioned in our MSN chat but… better slow than never, right? :)
Just be glad you’re living life to the fullest, kiddo. *hugs*
Oh I am, dear. Or at least, trying my very, very best to. *hugs*
When I first read this “A relationship is a series of revelations building up over time… A musical made up of a hundred different, beautiful songs.” I had the huge urge to re-Tweet it :D
May I?
Haha, sure go ahead and tweet it. It’d be cool if you could put a link back to this post though, and see how many folks actually take that one and re-tweet it. :)
Unfortunately Kenny dearest, it’s too long to retweet with the url…
No worries, go ahead anyways. :)
“..so mushy, so emo, so… Kenny” HAHAHA! It just wouldn’t be the same blog without that mushiness and emo-ness! I actually have very low tolerance for mush but yours is about the only kind I can take, and keep coming back for! :-D
“Low Tolerance for Mush.
High Tolerance for Kenny Mah.”
Heh. Maybe that should be my new blog tagline?
not bad, hahaha.
Thankee thankee. :D
The whole is always greater than the parts.
I like that. Wouldn’t be fun now if we always got to see the big picture immediately eh? To wait, to have patience, and to allow its majestic revelation at the end of the day is simply much, more exciting. ;)
That’s the thing. It’s a paradox. On one hand we tend to get too bogged down with details that we can’t see the bigger picture. On the other, sometimes we crave too much to know it all, to see the bigger picture before we move that we end up not moving at all.
I guess the challenge is to have enough patience to take one step at a time, to have greater plans but not get too distracted by making that plan or its details too perfect. Sometimes seeking perfection can be a thankless, task. Perfection can be depression, really. On good days I remind myself it’s not perfection I’m seeking by contentment. Being pleased with what I do and what I have achieved, shiny bits and warty parts all.
Being pleased with everything right now. :)
‘Perfection can be depression, really.”
and boring too! =p
Haha, then I am very glad that I am far from perfect! ;)
Perfection amidst imperfection, significant insignificance.
Being pleased is good stuff. ;)
Is very good stuff, indeed. Me wonders what Lil Vern is up to next? I love your blog posts… so meaningful and filled with grace in places we don’t expect. :)
oh yes, yours is the most mushy blog i read. yes, so kennyly mushy. LOL…
Yeah… and I bet you’re as mushy as I am to continue reading my blog, ja? LOL
We are all a little mushy… =)
Ain’t we, though? :)
Time waits for nobody, but then again why does anybody need more time in the first place. For me, I’m happy with how fast time seems to fly, it shows that I’m busy or just having fun. I’m happy to get through with the day or happy when a bad day’s finally over, it means I can look forward to a new day. I’m happy that somedays aren’t regular, and that I’ve not a single minute to spare for myself…least for now. Cause I know in time, there’ll be plenty of time to catch up on those lil things that I’d enjoy. Let’s get over all the shitty part first.
What if there’s no getting over any or all of them shitty parts, mate? I think you’re spot on though about how fast time seems to fly and looking forward to a new day.
Time waits for us not? Well, let us not wait for Time either, eh? ;)
“And yet. And yet. The small things. The details.”
the devil lies in the details. or was that god??
Perhaps a little bit of both. Who knows, really?
In a time like this , we can only say yeah its time for a change.
Step on over and move to the other side …finally
You might just be floored by things / people you never knew could be so refreshingly different … of which of course they are
Refreshingly different. That’s a cool way of putting it. People are just amazing, really, if we allow them to be (and when some of them aren’t being complete asses, haha).
This post started on a sad note. But I like the ending. We just have to get over ourselves when we feel sad, dejected etc and jump right back in!!
Glad you like the ending. I didn’t feel so much sad at the beginning of the post as in disappointed and let down… mostly by myself, and then things pick up. As you put it so well — we just have to get over ourselves. :)
I was reading a book, Transition – Making Sense of the Digital Age by Oon Yeoh (2003) and it got me into it. Now where did your roots came from?
Good question. And roots have so many connotations…
Happy 090909! (even though one day late) =p
Haha, no worries… It’s all good. Thanks, dear.
Glad you got happier at the end :)
Me too, mate. Me too.
i think we’ve been dwelling in the past for the longest time. at our age (or any age, for that matter), we should be looking forward to bigger and better things. it’s alright to recall that yesterday was a happy day but THAT should motivate us to make tomorrow an even happier day. easier said than done, i’m sure. life, as predictable and mechanical as it gets, is not as reciprocal a system that we’d like to think of. sacrifices and efforts dont always translate into achievements. however, we should always acknowledge the fact that we are lucky to live in a part of the world where there’s a chance for us to make life the way we want it to, despite all the rubbish in the news we read these days. never give up, lifeforbeginners. stop for a cuppa, eat a good cake or take a nap. another exciting journey awaits and if you believe, you’ll get where you want to be one day.
and we’ll celebrate with a good 10-course degustation dinner. foie gras and char siew, please. :)
*reads entire lengthy and well-thought comment thoroughly*
*ponders on appropriate response befitting the deep, philosophical thrusts put forth above*
*decides on one*
A 10-course degustation dinner, you say? Count me in! :D
Hi Kenny, Sharon has tagged me to help create awareness and hopefully some much needed donations for Yvonne Foong. and I am tagging you too. Please visit my blog.
Noted, dear and have done so. My contribution can be found here.
on the days we miss the big picture, we are lucky to have our loved ones to remind us of what is really important. keep jumping back into the race of life!
Haha, for some reason I’m thinking about the Amazing Race now for some reason! :P
lifeforbeginners.com – da best. Keep it going!
Thanks
Saurooon
Merci.
I like what you wrote here on ‘A relationship is a series of revelations building up over time’ because it is so true. We learn more about our love ones the more time we spend with them. We see the good and the bad and we learn to accept everything if we love them.
Yes, indeed we have to. Accept everything if we truly mean to love whoever it is we have found to be our partners. Thanks for sharing, Kak Su.
hey kenny, just wanted to say that I thought this was a great post. cheers :)
Thanks, dear. It was very nice of you to say so. Truly appreciate it. :)
I’ve missed you. Really. But then again, it’s my own fault for staying away for so long.
But yes, I’ve missed Kenny. And like you say, this is oh-so-Kenny.
Hey dear… I have missed your comments here too. But no worries… it’s great just to hear from you. I hope you’re keeping well. :)
Gonna pop over to your blog soon and drop you a note now while I’m online. *hugs!*
I am so late to the party = ( and I have missed many of your posts (shame on me) but I like your photos, you have a comforting face, nice and sincere.
Congrats on the 8 years of blogging too = )
Heya no worries — it’s only of late that I have had the time to blog more frequently.
*then he blushes at her compliments*
wow! 8 years blogging! congrats :’)
ps: welcome to my blog
Thanks, mate! It has been a long, long time… :P