Facebook. Twitter. And probably a million other forms of online social media. We are all on the network. We are all on the grid. We are all connected.
This is supposed to be a good thing.
We are connected and we talk and we talk and we share and we share but I wonder if anyone’s really listening. I wonder if anyone really, truly, deep-in-their-heart cares.
This is supposed to be a good thing?
Have we become so addicted to just being busy and connected but no longer having the time to relax, be ourselves, do what we have forgotten we really want to do, and truly connect with people (instead of just being “connected”)?
What is your freedom? This is certainly not mine.
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Disconnect. And start connecting.
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Copyright © 2011 Kenny Mah Ying Fye. Photograph by Devil Wears Prada.
Inspired by Seth Godin’s post ‘Lost in a digital world’.
Kenny Mah believes in the good in people. He has been blogging for over ten years. No, his hands aren't tired. Yet.
even though i act like a prude when it comes to smoking, drinking and here i am at times heeling the internet is like more dangerous than being addicted to crack !!!
for starters for the past few months… i have stopped twitting except few times… a month i guess… i do not want to be the sparrow that goes on tweeting let others do it …
fb is like ok and the only thing i use is tumblr and its like a mirror to my soul … like how this blog is for you…
but at times i do feel that if i just stop using everything and start sending letters … i do not think it would even reach my friends… so its like we cannot without it and yet it is engulfing us..
May be its time to become an net monk … so its like being in the world and not being there :)
@vimesh: There is something about the silence that comes with a few hours of self-imposed distance from the insanity of constant social media-whoring. Silence, and maybe some serenity as well.
I’m starting to write real letters again, to my friends, whom I used to write but somehow stopped as the Internet & social media made easier and easier to stay “connected” yet some how a disconnect has develiped.
More on this, later. For now, GOOD MORNING!
ahh..that is very true. when is the last time ppl call to re-connect. I still prefer face to face with a cup of coffee.
Although having said that, emails allowed me to maintain up to date and to connect with my oversea friends and family members.
Connecting with the world though- i didn’t think a 5 hr plane ride will be so blissful since there are no calls, no nothing just silence other than the regular reminder to put the seatbelt on due to turbulence!
@daphne: I recently spent four days in Krabi with no internet or outside communication aside from calls/messages with Devil.
It was a sort of soul quietness that I believe we need more of, not as a once-in-a-year vacation but more regularly, i.e. built into our week even.
It makes all the difference.
said di.. a pair of running shoes (my trusty asics) and a powerbar! ROFLMAO!!
eventhough im into the entire socialmedia business, that ain’t my life.
my family, my loved ones, my run.. THAT’s my freedom! hehe
Connected, I experienced the best and the worse of it… FREEDOM is in the heart, not online.
Because of sharing, people meet, interact… everything happens for a reason… there is a purpose to all things.
In-my-heart… I cared and got totally humiliated, trashed, and hurt so deeply… because I was on-line???
No… that would be too easy an answer and it would give too much credit to the person I loved…
I went ahead and invented a perfect lover from so far away… why?
Because 10 years ago… someone died here… I have been unable… unwilling to meet people here because I am scared so I created a fantasy…
It evaporated…
Because of this situation, I discovered so much, so many new places and new people… the purpose is achieved somehow, now I have wider horizons and many new friends, it is to me now to grow a heart again, love again and enjoy this new paradise I discovered called Malaysia…
I am free and I love it…
haha says the dude who is currently running on writer’s verbiage (daily posts? gosh. wat ‘av u been smokin’!)? the dude who has more twitter updates than his liver cells? :P “disconnect” seems to be a vile word for him if u asked me hehe…
@ciki: Hooray for running shoes! (The powerbar, not so much. Nothing beats natural, whole foods!)
And you’ve completely hit the nail on the head. It’s our family and our loved ones and the activities/work/stuff we enjoy that is our true freedom. Anything that takes us away too much from them isn’t freedom.
On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with using social media to get in touch or to market or to build a business. That’s what it is, really. A tool. And wielded well (as you have done), it produces amazing results. Wielded poorly, what starts with good intention (e.g. to get in touch) just ends up a hopeless addiction.
Time for some freedom. Disconnect. And start connecting.
@sylvain raymond: Freedom is in the heart. Finding it online is just the medium. Let’s not get confused and forget how to tell them apart.
@Jun: Hahaha… Which is why I am trying out a little experiment to only use social media as a tool for a bit. Just to update my friends about these daily posts of mine, and otherwise, I’ve been disconnected from checking stuff incessantly.
(It’s a bit harder to stay away from my own blog for now as I’m extracting content from it – so I’m online and able to view any changes or comments – but since that’s work, it’s fine by me.)
oooo… did u see the thailand advert for this??? was awesome… also something bout disconnect to connect… it’s circulating in FB but some time back so no idea if u can still find it… if i can find it i’ll forward it 2 u… :D
In our lives, we sometimes become locked into certain molds set for us; by others, by ourselves. These molds are not permanent. It is important to realize that the worst prisons are the prisons we create for ourselves, within our own minds. I struggle with these concepts always, as I am sure many do. Before we can live in true physical freedom, we must live in true mental freedom.
Freedom is to be alive. ;)
ahhhhh am now inspired to add u and/or devil on fb! :D
someday, meeting up with someone for dinner will mean me having some pasta delivered to my home/office, and then eating it while chatting via video-conference with a friend who’s doing the same on the other end…
Yeah! Most of our lives revolve around work. Don’t know about you but I certainly work a lot :)
I can only feel the freedom whenever I travel around the world (or even domestically).. as I’d love to see howthe outside world looks like. But those times are getting lesser and lesser because of the addition of family members which require a lot of attention and time!
If your idea of connecting is with the nature (judging fr ur pic), for me it’ll be annual vacation with Jenn! I’ve made it a point that both of us would go for a short trip every year just to recharge our battery and feel the fresh air outside
You know how I feel about social media. Can’t wait to meet up soon. :-)
Yeah living a real life – not virtual – but it’s a trend for FB & twitter following – I guess need to balance (real life connection Vs virtual life connection)
@asstha: Damn. You mean I wasn’t the first one to come up with this tagline? Potong stim only…
*chuckles*
Do send it to me if you come across it. I love Thai commercial ads – they are usually hilarious and heartfelt, often at the same time!
@jemima: In fact, I wonder – if we obtain true mental freedom would our physical freedom matter as much?
The challenge is in identifying the “moulds”, as you so rightly described them, and begin to work on breaking out of them. Sometimes we have to draw our own doorways out of our prisons.
And it’s most excellent to be alive indeed, my friend.
@Sean: Go ahead and Devil on FB – he’s always on the social network (but mainly for scrabble, haha). Me, I’m always on the verge of deactivating my FB account again cos it just doesn’t provide that much for me (which is not to say it doesn’t perform for others – Devil’s a good example of how Facebook can be a boon rather than a bane).
I know you’re joking, bro – but your description of what a dinner may entail in the future may be the most depressing thing I’ve read this year.
Disconnect. And start connecting.
@Leo (thule): Oh yes, travel is a great means of experiencing that freedom which may not make its presence felt in our daily lives. Devil & I are travel-crazed, and every new place and new face we meet is a new adventure with endless stories behind it.
Freedom is fun!
But I guess freedom doesn’t have to wait for some travel time. Some nights when I log off the computer an hour earlier and just sink into my bed with a good book – that’s freedom and fun too. *beams*
@Lyrical Lemongrass: Oh, totally! Can’t wait! Woo-hoo!
@MRC: Aye. It’s entirely possible to connect with someone 100% online but there are so many other opportunities to do it in person also, or through more heartfelt methods. It’s about not losing our human touch.
Well Say. Technology does help us a lot in connecting to each other epscially for those far apart ;)It’s really convenient but it’s not represent all, as we can’t even sense the temperature from the others. We can’t see the real expression when the person type the word down. we can’t feel the feeling. It’s connected but not our heart.
good thing is that you love book! For me it’s only Reader’s Digest or Personal Money :) not really into reading but at night… I’d watch Astro or DVD with Jenn (sometimes cuddling a little bit too)
@Prodigal Lulu: I couldn’t have put it better myself. It’s the heart that we wanna touch, in the end.
@Leo (thule): DVDs for us too! (And are you sure just cuddling “a little bit”? Hehe.)
Hard to disconnect when we are 5600km apart and it’s the only thing connecting us. :D
I would do anything to have a session of lou sang with my gorgeous, crazy, creative, funny, gregarious blogger friends this year!
i saw that video!! XD
@gfad: Heh. I know what you mean. But it can work, for some. Take my best Japanese friend and me for example. We don’t really email or FB each other, though it’s always a nice option for urgent communication.
Mostly we write letters (yes, real handwritten ones on real paper!) and send cards/postcards. I don’t do have as often as I should (time to rectify this, certainly) but we’ve been doing this for close to ten years already. It works. Beautifully.
@bosscat: Video? Which one?
To be able to do the things i enjoy and to be able to be with the person i love will be total freedom!
I also enjoy and appreciate all the connection that i’m getting out from this notebook of mine, though it can be quite addictive but i’m still not restricting it in any ways. To get connected ‘away from here’, i guess it would be also nice to have a conversation with our neighbours, children, our newspaper, etc..they always have great stories to tell too.
our newspaperman..i mean.
talking about writing real letters, i wanted to write a letter to someone just 2 weeks ago, i wanted to write in a proper letter pad and guess what, i had difficulty getting them at the local stationery shops, most of them dont carry this anymore except for examination pad. There are hardly people looking for writing pads nowadays. I cant even remember when was the last time i received a hand written personal letter..
@lena: I think it’s strinking what you shared about letter pads slowly disappearing from our local stationery shops – it’s a clear sign that our generation (and the younger ones) no longer appreciate letter-writing as a habit, a hobby, an art even.
I’ve got a feeling I’ll be writing many letters this weekend, with no rush, simply at a leisurely pace, with only the persons I’m writing to in my mind. No distractions. That’s my freedom there.
I will look it up soon (once I get used to the momentum of this new job)…
funny on what jemima wrote about freedom. Was just listening to a monk giving a talk on that topic yesterday. He was speculating about a conversation between one of his monks with a prison inmate. His talks are thought provoking and hilarious at the same time. Pity I didn’t go and listen to him in person. If you’d like to hear it I’ll b glad to send it (no I’m not trying to convert u).
@asstha: Thanks – looking forward to that video!
And as for the talk with the monk, you can’t convert someone who’s already a Buddhist lah. I love listening to monks… even the younger masters are so wise and funny. I think I wrote a story about one before. Hang on, I go search.
@asstha: Found it! The story is called simply ‘Monk’ and I think you will like it.
the connect to disconnect video?
@bosscat: Ah, so. That was rather blur blur of me, hehe.
yes yes @bosscat that’s the one
here kenny… found the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDa1Ek3LVlc
Translation: (the end title) “Use your cell only just enough.”
(the end narration) “Turn it off and open up to those around you.”
@asstha: Hooray! The video! Finally! Thanks so much, dear. *HUGS!*
*ponders*… well we never did talk much about religion.
lols… of all the thing in the talk he gave that’s what u remembered? (refering to ur post)… but i think, if it was also me at that given point at that same age, i’d prolly wud’ve forgotten whatever it was i heard…
well then it’s settled… let me share with u the one with the talk with the prisoner (amongst others)… it’s my favourite so far… be warned it’s a hugeeee file (well in mailing max file size anyway)…
@asstha: Hmm. I guess that’s cos I really don’t think religion should matter all that much. It’s the character of the people we’re with which matters, and that is in part moulded by one’s faith/religion/beliefs, but not entirely.
And that is what I remember, for he put it in such simple terms (which made him a good teacher). But he was really talking about a truth which was (is) more difficult to swallow – that of impermanence.
Looking forward to that talk! May much metta come your way and from you to many others.
Speaking of letters, I was sending out Christmas cards the other day. And it was difficult to write because whatever it was we wanted to catch up on, would have been done within hours through FB! So by the time the card reached the recipient, the news would have been outdated! :D
Anyway, email me your house address. It would be nice to be able to write to someone again. :)
@gfad: Maybe letters aren’t meant simply for news these days, but for other things better translated through paper and ink?
Alas, I know what you mean – technology and social media does make it so much easier and faster to communicate news but still I fret whether we are truly connecting in spite of it all.
So count me very glad and excited to be emailing you my address. It would be very nice indeed to write someone again, the old way.
wahwahwah… kpc coming in on gfad’s comment… :P
but i think sometimes a letter that’s arrived late for someone who isn’t expecting any to begin with really warms the heart…
like how i procastinated sending this present off to my friend in australia this mth. told her i jz wanted to pass her some stuff i got her n some bridal magazines to help her wit the planning of her wedding… i meant to time the exact date she would receive the parcel wud b on her bday… *yesh*… technology n all… as always i took longer than usual (i had them with me since Nov)… n ended up only sending it to her on the 11th hour… ended up spending a fortune on the shipping w/o realising i asked for the wrong shipping service but guess wat… she received the parcel exactly on her birthday. four days after i sent it out… the feeling that it reached her in time for her birthday of course was priceless… but i did land into trouble with her bf cos he didn’t send her anything… :P
yup kenny agree with you on the religion not really mattering but sometime people may not be on the same wavelength and they might get offended wen u share things to them that is not of their religion.
one i came up with a simple test. my status msg in FB is sometimes on quotes that i read somewhere and repost it. if i know the original source i’ll put it in… i noticed when i put something with reference to a phrase in the bible mostly my christian friends will like or comment on it… if i put phrases from buddhist monks… it’s the buddhist friends who like it… but wen i put like some public figure… irregardless of their religious beliefs… i get mixture from both sides…. so must be careful sometimes also la…
@asstha: Hmm, I just learned a valuable lesson from you then – don’t tell them when to expect it, or to expect it, even. Hehe.
And that’s an interesting experiment (and via Facebook, so there’s another argument for social media being an effective tool to communicate and to learn if properly wielded) cos I would have thought that most people would just respond to the wisdom in the words, whatever its origin.
Maybe it’s the familiarity with the actual words used or the concepts?
If I disconnect too far from said connecting avenues, I’d miss out on you, dear friend.
You’re right, it is the nature of the connection, not the route, that bears the sustaining weight of true friendship.
But it can still happen over the interwebz ;)
@Brienne: Ah, whatever would we do without the Internet? I think a lot of it is still too distracting for my liking, but it has made a huge difference in my life in creating opportunities for me to make new friendships that has stood the test of time. Now, almost a year later from having first written this blog post, I can say in all honesty that I have been connecting more and surfing/simply-being-online-for-the-sake-of-being-online a lot less.