“Yes,” I answered, “I really am happy.”

There I was, sitting on a bench in the small park next to the Mensa with my university liaison, after finishing a meeting that I have had tried unsuccessfully all week long, as you, dear readers, can attest, and getting closure to what must have been months of anxiety, wasted waiting and mind-numbing limbo.

It wasn’t easy, of course. Even when I got to the Professor’s office at ten (as scheduled) this morning, his secretary told me that his office hours had changed and that he couldn’t see me today. This was supremely convenient, of course. The cheek. I told her I would wait till he had even just five minutes free and I would see him then. I said it in a tone that meant it was DEFINITE. I’ve taken enough shit to last me a couple of lifetimes; I wasn’t about to take any more, especially not from this guy.

She didn’t seem too pleased about it but strangely enough, not five minutes later, he just happened to be free to talk. Right. The cunt. So, I had my meeting with him. I shan’t repeat it here, but suffice to say, we reached a definite decision that I would have absolutely nothing to do with him or his department anymore, thank you very much.

I’m glad to say that I was the one who kept my head and my dignity in this meeting. (I wouldn’t say discussion, when he plainly refused to actually listen to anything I was saying, and I realise now, all his so-called concern for foreign students last year was nothing but promotional lip-service.)

It’s interesting to see a tight-lipped, supposedly professional fifty-year old German academic getting riled up and raising his voice. Interesting, but it didn’t amuse me one bit. I have no time for this person anymore. I kept my calm instead.

I wasn’t about to apologise no more. I did not hurt him. His negligient administration hurt me. If anything, he should be the one to say sorry. But as a counselor told me recently, there’s no arguing with people like this. No matter how high up they are, they’re really insecure and afraid and have to stand on you to make themselves feel better.

He can feel whatever he likes but I’ll keep my head to myself this time.

Of course, the same behaviour, the same aggression and stupidity, can be attributed to me many a time. Perhaps too many. There’s nothing I can say to defend myself on that point. But I know I am a good person, even if that doesn’t come out as often as it should. I believe in myself, no matter what. It’s incredible that I can say this now and mean it.

Which was why, when I met up with my liaison later in the park, and he asked me if I was happy with the way the meeting turned out, I could honestly reply Yes.

The meeting may have been unpleasant but it was completely necessary and I am glad I did it, if only so, as Mark Twain once said, I never need to do it again.

My only regret was that to make this meeting I had to miss seeing Mikey off at the airport. I called Maria right after the meeting, but I was a couple mins too late – he had already passed the gates. Maria managed to holler a “Kenny says hi!” so that was cool. It rounded things off nicely with him, in a way.

And now? Now’s to the next thing, to Looking Forward. Yee-Har!

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Copyright © 2002 Kenny Mah Ying Fye.