“There you go again.”
The cyclist turns around and returns to the café. He pauses, as though wondering if he should enter and have a coffee, or head off again to some unseen destination.
There is only so much I can see within the rectangle of the basement-level window, the sunlight seeping in from the street above and the cacti sucking it in, gratefully, greedily, I imagine. There is only so much I can guess; the cyclist’s intentions are unknown to me. As are the intentions of others.
As are my own intentions, unless I pay attention and I question. Unless – and I grimace at this thought – I ask, nicely.
“There you go again.”
Ronald Reagan was known for deploying this phrase to disarm his opponents, most famously during the 1980 presidential election debate with the incumbent Jimmy Carter.
I remember this during my morning meditation practice, as my cup of black coffee slowly cools, for no discernible reason. (I can think of no better way to be mindful and stay in the present. And get a decent caffeine kick at the same time.)
But one doesn’t need a reason for thoughts to arise. It happens. All the time. It’s normal. It’s okay.
“There you go again” could just as easily describe these thoughts that arise all the time. But that phrase is powerful largely because it strikes a note of disgust. Of infuriation.
I try to dismiss the thought more gently. To acknowledge it and diffuse without setting off more landmines.
What makes it so powerful and negative is that refrain: “There you go again.” How do I reframe that?
Coffee can give you all the answers you need, sometimes. I believe that, at least.
Sipping from my cup, it comes to me: When a thought, a distraction, arises, I say to myself, “There you go.” Acknowledging without judgement. And then I return to the present by saying “Here I am.”
There you go. Here I am.
It feels less combative. The practice becomes more pleasant. And often a smile sneaks in; I can’t help it. And this thought makes me smile even more, because that is okay. We should all smile more.
There you go. Here I am.
The cyclist finally parks his wheels next to the other bicycles in front of the window. He enters the cafe and orders his coffee, a flat white. He sits on the sofa opposite me, looking relieved. Making a decision can be tough but afterwards, everything is easier. We smile at each other, companions in defeating inertia and indecision.
There you go. Here I am.